Session Zero Heroes - A TTRPG Actual Play Podcast
Speaker A: Saary traveler, I'm not sure what strange magic must have brought you here, but you have stepped into a realm of my creation. A sprawling city filled with danger and glory and, most importantly, lots of gold. Out. I call it Ilanumis. Who am I, you might ask? M the name is Jarjin, and I'm the patron deity of gambling. Long story short, this group of idiots, or as you may call them, heroes, made a bet with me that they had what it took to make a mass trove of gold, but left some of the key details blank. So I fill them in myself. I send them to this pocket dimension, into the city I had created with brand new bodies they'd have to attune to. Can these fools pass my test? Or will they be trapped, uh, here forever? So experience my world of trials and tribulations and join alongside this posse of pitiful people. Or as I like to call them, the criminals of Isla Numis. All right, everybody. Welcome to the first ever episode of Criminals of Isla Numis. Oh. Ah. I nailed it on the first go. Here we go. See, this is what you want to start things off with when it comes to a brand new DND podcast. All right. Sorry I'm ruining the intro. Um, welcome to, again, our DND podcast that we're doing. Uh, DND fifth edition, set in that well, it's sort of that world. It's sort of more of a homebrew world, but I digress. We have a group of five characters who you will be following along with, uh, in this interesting journey within a pocket dimension that a deity created and sort of threw these guys into. That's right. I'm throwing plot points out there. Uh, honestly, we probably should just kick things off. So here we go. You all awaken, except for Quinn. I'm already awake. Yeah, you're already awake. You're running business. Uh, straight up. We'll cut to you here in a second, but the rest of you all awakened, feeling well rested, as if you had just had a nice nap. But the weird thing is that you don't really remember going to bed. Last thing you remember was being on a boat that you had stolen from some Durgar, and you were riding to a little city inside of the underdark. Oh, we were going to try and find the surface, but I don't remember. Well, yeah, that was the adventure eventually. And, uh, you awaken to what seems to be sunlight. You, uh, feel the nice, warm breeze brush against your nose hairs and other hairs on your body. Uh, or scales. Sorry. Fair enough. Or feathers. Anyways, you, uh, awaken to this sensation as you look around and you see, off in the distance, what looks like a bustling but yet somewhat fairly peaceful city, massive in size, uh, surrounded by large, tall walls guarded at the openings, the opening gates by well equipped guards, as they should be. And uh, you think to yourself, I don't remember this for a moment. You think you're in a dream, but you reach down to pinch yourself, and you're surprised by two things. Uh, firstly, you're not in a dream that surprises you. And again, you jump back to the confusion of, where the heck am I and how did I get here? But you're also surprised when you look down and you realize that you are not in the same body that you were in before. You are no longer a dwarf or an elf or a triton or what was Maki the human human, okay? I was like, I think he was human or a human. You are a series of kinkus, of cobalts, of goblins. Uh, you look around, you see that you are also sitting next to other kinkus and cobalts and goblins. Uh, specifically four others. Since there's five of you. I mean, I'm not trying to spoil that little bit there, but there's five of you total, and there's five of you sitting around this tree. Um, and you're a little confused. And you're confused for about a moment before a voice speaks out to you. And he says, well, it looks like you finally awakened. And you look around you to see that nobody's there to speak to you. None. Uh, of the others seem to be opening their mouths. Nobody seems to be stirring much. They're a little surprised, but they're still sitting in a little bit of shock and awe. So this voice seems to be coming out of nowhere. Maybe it's the tree, maybe it's the wind. You're not sure, but it continues to speak. You're probably quite confused. Yes, uh, you probably remember me, although I didn't sound like this when you first met me. Yes, that's right. I am Ja Jim. Or as you knew me as Jim Ja. But that wasn't my real name. My real name is Ja Jim. And, uh, also was not my real personality, uh, in existence as a mortal being, but I'm, uh, actually a deity. Believe it or not, I'm a god. Surprise. And you do remember, you do recall a little gnome that was following you around in the under dark. Uh, he was a deep gnome, and he had gone by the name Jim Jar. And he had always been trying to make bets with you guys. He was constantly flipping a coin, trying to like, hey, I bet you this is going to happen. Or I bet that's going to happen. And, uh, yeah, that thought crosses your mind. That image crosses your mind. You remember who he is. But he didn't sound like this. And he definitely didn't go by Jar Jim. Although, yeah, it's just Jim Jar flipped around. Anyway, Jar Jim continues, he says, all right, I'm sure you remember me. Uh, so we'll just move on past that. Like I said, I'm a god. I am the god of gambling. It's what I do. That's why I was always making bets with you guys. And, uh, let's just say that this is a little bit of a bet on my part. I told you guys that you couldn't make it in a world and be successful if you were in a small little body like mine. Or at least the one that I was using when I met you guys. And so, uh, I don't know, I got some sass from the guy, uh, that Dwarven guy. And I, uh, said, you know what? I'll show you. And so here you are. I threw you in. This is my world. I made it myself. I made it when another god bet me I couldn't. And see, my power kind of works off of a thing where I have to be able to do what someone bets me that I can or cannot do. And so I gain the ability to do what I need to do. I'm not saying I always win, but just like the general skills. So I made this world. He lost a bit, but I don't know, I just kind of left this world just kind of sitting here. It's just been in a pocket dimension in my pocket. Uh, and now you guys are here. Uh, any questions so far? Um, Des sits, uh, up astounded at his newfound body, trying to regurgitate the feelings that he is thinking, unable to find his voice. All that comes out is in bird culture, this is considered a move. Well, I suppose some might feel that way, as you obviously do. Are we in a room? You are out in the open air, sitting under a tree. But you look up and the sky looks like it normally does. It goes on forever. Is there water? Anybody nearby? Uh, not immediately nearby, but you do see there is a large river that seems to kind of run from the east to the west side of the city. Got it. Um, the little goblin who is formerly known as Roric sits up and hot and just starts running down towards the river, full speed. Uh, there he goes. He looks quite uncomfortable for some reason. Uh, do the rest of you decide to pursue, as you see this strange figure that allegedly is somebody that, you know, runs off towards the water? They don't know goblin. They don't. Who are you? Meanwhile, the southern KANK, who lifts his head up from the tree root he was sleeping on this whole time and stretches his arms and goes to Yawn. But all that comes out is A. And with an alertness in his eyes, he looks around. An alertness that you'd, uh, find unusual, as his eyes are usually glazed over in an inebriated state. So, with clear orange eyes, Bird Maki views the world for the first time in a long time in a sober state of mind. No. What a reset and says, Talk. This is brutal. Uh, the cobalt wakes up and the former wild shaped druid, opens his eyes, looks at his dry, scaly skin, and just thinks to himself, I don't remember wild shaping. I don't ever remember having knowledge of a lizard lizard person. Wonder how long this is going to last. I was kind of hoping to turn into a, uh, T. Rex. Not this little gecko. You can almost audibly hear Jar Jim rubbing his temples as he goes. I just explained it. Okay, all right, let me try again. You're all yourselves, but I put you into new bodies inside of my pocket dimension City. But I always go into new bodies. That's a wild shape. Well, all right. You're in a new body in a permanent wild shape. Oh, no. And you're in a brand new place. Never been here before. There's going to be people you never met. There's going to be things you've never seen. There's going to be realities that you couldn't even imagine because I imagined them, and I'm a god. Okay. Well, anyways, I guess I'll continue. Uh, all right, so the bet is that you guys cannot accumulate. Oh, man, I feel like I should put on some kind of a fanfare or something for this. Here we go. You can't get together 1 million gold pieces in the span of, uh I'll give you six months. I swear, if I could talk, this god would be receiving the bet of his life, double or no peak. I bet you wouldn't give me a million gold pieces right now. Oh, that, uh, would be pretty clever. Can't speak, though. Now, you're probably thinking that's impossible, but let me assure you, this is a, ah, city of my creation. There's amounts of gold you've never seen before in your life to the point where, economically speaking, I might have tanked things a little bit. Uh, my bad. It is what it is. Gold's not going to be worth what it is on the outside, that's for sure. Uh, but you'll find plenty of gold here in order to make this whole mission, bet, goal, whatever you want to call it, possible. So, yeah, lots of opportunities to do so. And, uh, it's totally up to you guys how you do it, but I've put a whole lot of things in place in order to make it possible to do it. So you'll find a lot of opportunities in the city, a lot of people offering gold for things. Or you could steal it, whatever the case. You have to have a total of 1 million gold in one place at one time. If someone steals some of your gold, it's gone. It doesn't count. If you spend some of your gold, it doesn't count. It's gone. Understand? Everybody good. Everybody up until this point. All right, perfect. Uh, along the way, you will find some key opportunities to help you out, but it's going to cost you. You want to upgrade your skills in your new bodies. You're going to have to pay for it. And, uh, add a game. If you want to level up, you got to pay for it with money. Uh, obviously you want to buy items in this world, you're going to have to pay for them. But that's pretty standard anywhere, right? You could add extra time to your six months. That's an option, and it's totally fair, but you're going to have to pay for it. I, uh, will allow you this is a little bit of Skyler trying to integrate Quinn into this. I will allow you one individual from my world that can join with your crew and contribute to this and be a part of it all. Wow. Uh, you I could sell some sauce. Uh, yeah. So at any point, feel free to do that. Also, I'm going to gift you a guys with something. And as you sit there a strange stone with sort of, like, uh, etched out lines in it, uh, floats down on, like, a beam of light before you and lands in the soft dirt. He says this right there, uh, this is a Divine Talkie Walkie, and it allows you to communicate with me once per day. I'll be watching, like, all the time. But I'm not going to talk to you and give you all the answers, of course, so you can communicate with me. Ask me a yes or no question once per day, and I will give you an honest yes or no answer as best as I can. Now, if I don't know the answer, then I can only do so much. I will try to work with you as best as I can, and we'll figure it out. But, uh, yeah. Anyways, there you go. Use it wisely. Once per day. I feel so violated. I'm sorry you feel that way. Like I said, I was growing bored. You guys weren't doing my bets, and, uh, you were making fun of my bets, and then you also, I want to establish that, and this is going to be a little bit from the previous campaign that you guys wouldn't know about, but here's a little information from that. The dwarf threw me in a lake of, um, man eating creatures. My avatar technically died, so at the very least, this is revenge for that. We did not attempt to resuscitate. It's true. I had to do it myself. Yeah. Uh, and with that, I guess I'll take my leave. You guys could figure it out on your own, unless you have a yes or no question, in which case you can use the Divine Talkie Walkie commence, and you just hear a long from some sort of otherworldly horn that slowly fades into silence. I learned a new sound. You learned the sound? Where is it? I haven't. You drive just kind of like remixes. Yeah. I got DJ Bird over here. Uh, okay. So as you hear the last of these words, you turn back towards the hill where your kenku right? Or your goblin m goblin friend is rushing towards the water. Um, I assume you were going to whatever was, like, visible water wise. Yeah. Okay. So you run to one end of this river that eventually makes its way into and through the entire city. Um, are you just jumping in? Yeah. Okay. Uh, you do that. Uh, and you start to feel yourself being carried into down the river towards the entrance of the city. Uh, try to swing back the shore. Okay. Yeah. You are able to eventually make your way back over to the corner of the shore. Now, you're standing there, you're looking up at these tall brick walls, um, that lead straight up and end with sort of a battlement. The Battleman. Sorry. You are immediately outside the wall. You are practically touching the wall. Maki springs to his claw seat. M takes a few steps forward and trips his unused to his knees, bending backwards. Oh, that's true. Yes. That would be a weird sensation. Um, face plants into a tree root. Ow. Ouch. Des looks at you, and it's just he knows a baby. Oh, no. Tess has lots of stories about, but he can't tell us. He, uh, gets back up and he tries to reach into his mind to remember how to form words and not just copy them. Manage to say ah. Uh, stick together, stick together. And he runs off after the goblin. All right. What about the rest of you? Hey, you. Yeah, you. Come here. Not here. Is that what you're shouting? You're right now that you're chasing, I'm just coming after you. I'm going to take one last look at this open world that we're in, not seeing any dwarf and say, I'm beginning to like this place already. And I run after the group. Just out of curiosity, did anyone grab the talkie walkie? It's just sitting there on the know. To be fair, I didn't know how that mechanic was going to get used, so okay. It's just forgotten. It's just forgotten. I do like the idea of a running bit where he keeps showing up every day to give it to us. We just keep forgetting it at every location we're at after he gave it to us. We might just have to do that. Well, somewhere, uh, out there, sitting on this nice little beautiful hill overlooking the city sits a divine, possibly legendary item that lets you speak to a god for get a yes or no answer once. I guess we can't ask if we really need that. How much do you think that would have sold for? That's a good question. That'd be a question to ask them. We won't have them anymore. To us. Uh, isn't that a isn't that a spell? Pretty sure. Like divine intervention? Yeah. Cleric spell? Yeah. What level spell is that? It's not a spell. Oh. It's a cleric ability. Class thing that comes with their divine you're right. Talent. But it's like, uh, at the 15th level, I believe. Okay. It's pretty powerful. Yeah. So you gave us a daily 15th level spell. Well, I tried to clarify. All right, so the, uh, whole group of you eventually catch up to your little goblin friend, who's standing there at this wall, soaking wet. Soaking wet, yes, very true. Looking up at it, um, with awe, maybe. No, he's shivering. Oh, he's just shivering. He's cold. Yeah. Um, and, yeah, you're outside the city, standing outside of the large. They got, like, a big gate thing that they can lower down into the water to kind of block off this end of the water. Um, you don't know necessarily where this river eventually gets to. You can see that it runs into the city, and then yeah, that's about as far as you can see. Um, uh, do I see all three of them running down to him? Yeah. Okay. He's kind of just point at them and just yell, stand back. Stand back, all of you. What's going on? Maki? What? You're maki. That's why we need to do video for the podcast. That is hilarious. Um, uh, well you've been turned into a bird. Who. You look at me. I'm roaring. Isn't it obvious? But you're cold. You're shivering. Yeah, I know. This is weird. I was hot. Now I'm really cold. I've never been cold before. I'm always normally cold. Now I'm warm, and my axe is gone. Who am I without my axe? I'm worthless now. Oh, well, guess I have to steal another one. Fair point. Uh, Dez just stands there, looks at Roric, uh, and says, uh, hello, Felix. That's not what I said. But are you that random. Wait, are you not who I am? No, I don't know who you are. Do I know who you are? And he points at the Cobalt rogers. You're ted Rogers. Okay. Was that the name of that? Oh, okay. Do you have multiple yes on that thing? Because it kind of sounded a little different. So you're the Triton, and that must mean oh, uh, you're Mother. Okay. And that must mean and he points up the coal volt and goes, you must be the elf. Yeah. Well, this is a huge improvement, let me just say. I was about to say you've never looked better. No, I'm um green. Green is bad. Blue is better. I need to get some blue paint or something. Also, how's my hair? I want to ask you a bunch of questions. I want to have them answered immediately. Uh, why? Uh, ask you first. How's my hair gone? What? My frosted tips? Oh, no. Sure enough, your frosted tips are gone. And then he looks down and opens up his shirt, which he normally doesn't wear. And are his frosted nips gone as well? Of course they are. Oh, no. And he falls to his knees and sticks on his hands and goes, no. How will I go on as you shout? No, you see, above you, a guard peeks his head over the gate and he says, oh, there. Uh, who is that? What are you doing down below the wall? Announce yourselves. Who are you? Fair question. I am sir. Phineas fiddlebottom. Who goes there? Watcher of the wall. That's my title. Sorry, I forgot about that. Uh, number six. Uh, 2301. Who goes there? Watcher of the wall. Number 621301. Sir. Uh, three oh one. Yes, you've got me. Correct. And who are you, watcher of the Wall. You're a watcher. No. I would know if there was a Watcher of the Wall who was a Kenku. We typically don't hire your type. Oof. Oof. Let us in. You have to go around, um, to the gate. Now, I don't want to let you in through the what was it? Okay, say, let us in right now. I cannot let you in through the oh, man. I feel like there's a term for this. The dam. Sure. Let's call it that. The spillway. Oh, the spillway. Yes. Thank you. Who are you, other kenku? Ted Rogers. Ted Rogers. Well, Ted Rogers, you and your group need to go around. Thanks for a minute. Nope. Excuse. Well, I will not be allowing you all passage through the spillway. Well, that may be, but you will not gain entrance here. You will need to go around. Which way? Well, it depends where you would like to enter, but the near what are you laughing about? Just tell us how to get in. All right. Well, the nearest entrance you, uh, want to head towards well, you know, shoot. You're already on the east side of the river. You might as well go to the east entrance. Just go kind of southeast along the wall. You'll find it, it'll spit you right out into, uh, the Asgardia, uh, district. Well, hold on. I forgot. We got a cobalt, a goblin I'm not going to send you to the Asgardia district. They'd throw you right back out again. All right? So you're going to have to cross the river and follow the wall to the west. And that'll spit you out over by the Central Stark, mediumville district. Mediumville is probably where you guys are looking for, I assume. All right, let's get going, gang. How do we cross the river? I don't care. Like this. And he just jumps into the river and comes across? It takes a little bit, but eventually you do get across. I'm not going to make you roll for it, because, I mean, it's not pushing that hard. Uh, des will follow after. Just jumps in. Who cares? I'm used to water. Well, thought I was. Maybe you still are, I guess. Little bird bat. Can birds swim? Yeah, birds can swim. Can kenku swim? Probably not as well. They float. They're hollow. What about the other two? Yukito and maki. Maki, um, takes a step into the water and dips his beak in and takes a drink. He kind of rubs it on his wings a little bit. All right. Almost impulsively. That was weird. And he gets into the water swims after. All right. Are you also going, keto? I will follow suit. All right, sounds good. You all make it to the other side drenched. And after about a ten minute walk, um, let's say it's more like 15, you eventually make it, uh, through a small grouping of trees around to a series of small homes that are outside of the city wall. But you can see the main road that leads into the sort of northwest corner of the city, and you follow that in. And, uh, the guards there are really lax. They don't really care. Uh, you kind of get the idea that they see people like you every day. You don't bother them as much as the guard that was on the wall. Obviously kind of made things out to be. And so, sure enough, you enter the city. You find yourselves at sort of a strange, um, crossroads. Uh, to your immediate left, you see a district with sort of worn down houses sort of falling apart, faded colors, uh, worn out rooftops, so on and so forth. Uh, things that are growing up the sides of these homes. Um, and very starkly splitting right down the middle. Uh, straight ahead of you seems to be a whole other district with much nicer houses, much fancier builds, fancier designs, well kept, uh, siding and rooftops and paint and everything like that. Very, uh, sharp, stark difference. Do you have a preference on which direction you head? Are there any, um, shops that would benefit us? Maybe one that sells sauce or something? Got to find that sauce shop. Um, you do you do, in fact, hear somebody shouting from a distance. Sauce. Get sauce here. Little sauce is sauce company. Sauce. Saucy. Let's get saucy. Someone's shouting about their sauce. Uh, it's coming from inside the more worn down district. Uh, Maki, when he hears the word sauce, thinks of yes, he's off and on the sauce, and he reaches for his wineskin. That's usually on his hip. Realizing it's not there, he recalls what Rourke said earlier and gives out a near perfect mimic of his no. Uh, uh, uh oh, he lost his axe, too. My sauce is gone. Oh, his sauce is gone. Hey, he's got sauce. Come here. Get your sauce here. You see a small, little sort of sales almost, uh, like a booth, I guess. Probably more than anything. It's not like a full on store. It's like just kind of a side booth, right? No, it's a nice little not like a straight up store, but maybe like, um, a concession stand. Okay, so it's a nice little concession stand. Do you have any signage on this concession? Oh, yeah, it's just a little sauce. Sauce company. Little sauce of sauce company. That's what you see on the sign? Sauce co oh, sorry. Exactly. You don't want too big of a mouthful. No. Well, you do have the sauce letters. I got the sauce. That's right. Rocky hurriedly gets in line behind the person in front of him. Yes, it's a fairly, uh, hulking bug bear. Uh, he's kind of dressed in fairly drab clothes. Looks like he's probably been working. You can smell a pretty intense sweat smell off of his body. Maybe a little bit of an old sweat smell. That's just a sauce. It might be. Um, he's standing in front of you. You get up right behind him, and he kind of just looks behind him a little bit, and he grunts. And then he turns back and he steps forward. Whoever was in front of him leaves, opening, uh, up his ability to buy some sauce. What sauce you got today? Little sauce. Today's, uh, sauce is a nice mixture of the normal sauce that we always have and the sauce that we always have. I'll take two jar of little sauces. Today's sauce. Two jars of today's little sauce is sauce. Coming right up. All right. And he drops a couple of coins down in front of you. And you thank you. Thank you very much. Hand him a couple jars of sauce. And he heads, uh, off on his way. And Maki steps up and says, I'll take two jars of your sauce. Whoa, a little hostile there, budy. I don't recognize you from out. His name is Maki. Okay. And you are the way the whole group of you just kind of, like, follows them. Uh, Rourke, uh, sticks his hand out to shake his hand. He goes, My name's Rourick Frostbeard. Frostbeard. That name doesn't really work anymore, now, does it? You see, I'm a dwarf. Oh, boy, you don't look like a dwarf. Don't look too close. What's your name? And he sticks his hands to win for the hands. I'll reach out. Okay. I'm Feather McGregor. Connect. You get static shocked. Not that it's like static electricity. And, uh, Rock pulls his hands always what? Oh, sorry, sir. A little static electricity. Yeah. And he's, like, wiping the side of his pants. He's like oh, sorry. So be it. Anyways, my friend that's Maki, he can't really speak. Well, he's, uh, one of me. Yeah, exactly how do you talk so oh, I've been around a lot of people in my day. I've seen a lot of things. You're using the same voice consistently. Did one person just talk all the time around you? You could say that. He was my best friend. His name was McGriddle. I don't know what it was or what it griddle McGregor. That's the first Mick M that came to the top of my what was his actually name? I can't wait. Me breakfast. He would grill the meat, and then McGregor would provide the sauce for that meat. That's why he goes M by little sauce. You're a little sauce. Uh, yeah, I'm little sauce. Yeah. Who this store is named after. Yes, and I mimic Best, uh, friend who I lost, very tragically, to the sauce. You could say he got lost in the sauce. Oh, I know someone else like that. Right, maki and I go to, like, pat machi on the back, and another shock of static electricity comes out and he pulls his hands back. Sorry, Maki. Anyway. The name's Feather McGregor, but I go by Little Sauce. Oh, well, Maki likes the sauce, too, and he wants how many, Maki? Two sauce. All right. You got a coin? No, we're strapped. Uh, Maki looks reaches around this person, I was filthy rich, but, uh, God took all my money and god took all your money? Correct. Yeah, a gambling gut. Would you believe that? I did not lose it on the slime. Wait a minute, wait a minute. A, uh, gambling god. Yeah. I'm intrigued. Continue. That was the end of it, actually. Gambling guy took all our money. This seems really unlikely. I don't know. I mean, I can't give you any of my little sauce of sauce if you free samples. I do give out free sample. Okay. There you go. I take out little. And when I mean little, I'm talking like a dime piece of bread, a little bit of sauce. Oh, there you go. That's good. I hand it to each of you. Oh, each of us? Well, look at that. Do you have any rats? I find them to be the best vehicle for a good sauce. You still eat rats? Now, to be fair, I'm actually really hungry for rats. Little sauce of Sauce goes with anything. Originally, it was made for my buddy McGriddle's Burger restaurant. McGriddle's Burgers. But, uh, yeah, he tragically died. He got lost in the sauce more literally than you can imagine. It's more literal than you can literal. Did he get drowned in the sauce? Literally? He is the sauce. No, I'd rather not speak about McGriddle. Okay, it's fine to your store, but, uh, maybe only thinks he's dead. He got lost in the sauce dimension. He's in a pocket dimension right next to us. He's very much dead. He is dead. He is dead. Well, this is some sales pitch you're doing here. No, that was out of character. That was out of character? Yeah. Uh, what am I talking to? What's in the sauce? As I finished the freak. Well, what do you guys think? Did you like it? Yeah, what do you think? Uh, des is he nodding? Des is noding. Okay, I'm going to take that. You liked it? Maybe he thought I had a kick. I don't know. Um, but it still stands. No coin, no sauce. You know that line, Maki, but you know, where's the boo? You don't know him. I know him. You don't know him. I saved him out of a mean was that me, Maki? I don't remember. I hate to say it, but, uh, this is a small community. There's really only a couple booze vendors in town, and I know them all. Well, no, I mean, they're still stocked up. I mean, they have all the booze that you could drink. We're out of coin. But you have no coin. Huh. So I heist, uh, like, looking for the authority. You know who I'm looking for. You know who I'm looking for. Okay, as in you kind of know what I'm thinking here as I hear this. Okay. A heist. I'm intrigued. What kind of a heist? On me? If you're looking at me, I got, um, uh, my staff out. Ready? M. He starts reaching for his staff. Yeah, just kind of reaching for it. Kind of like QuiGon jin when he's like, whoa, saving for marriage, buddy. We're just supposed to find, uh, a fifth person to join our crew. Wow. Little sauce is a little interested. How good is the sauce business at night? Or rather, all around, I guess. Euphemisms are flowing during the day. You clearly work day hours. But does this business really give you enough to go on day to day? Financially speaking? I have my ways. Well, anyways, I actually missed most of it. About a god sent us all year. Oh, no, you heard it as you were running down the god sent you here? Yeah, and he, uh, I find this very unlikely. How much money do we need to get Maki? You remember $1 million. I want to hear him do the voice. That would have been funny. $1 million? Yeah, that's the voice of the guy right there. That was the voice of the god. Yeah, well, he's a kink. This seems all made up to me. This is really hard to believe. I see random strangers in my town that want to try little sauce of sauce, but have no sauce for the sauce. No coin for the sauce. That's what we call you. Just use the word sauce intermixed with any other word if you feel like it. I'm a little sauce. Okay? You got to give sauce to get sauce. Uh, wiser words have never been spoken. A sauce. I have this, and I pull out a flat ask of oil. You trade this for ah, sauce. What kind of oil? I said sauce. Mhm. You just said oil. Sauce for sauce, sauce for sauce. I'm using your language here. I'm going to pass. Maki goes to drink. Not good sauce. Not good sauce. So, do we have a proposition? You join us for the night jobs and maybe, uh, lead us around this town. You guys are kind of like bad people. No, we're adventurers. Right, boys? Sure. You guys sound so but you just said you wanted to commit a heist. We have. No it sounds like you want to heist me. No, not hoist heist east. You want to steal from me? Not you. Why would we tell you, if we were going to steal from you, to be fair, this would be, like, the first time we'd steal from anyone. But that's normally because we pick up jobs, and maybe we should just do that like we normally do. Pick up a job and make money that way. I'm just sitting there. Right. One of the guards in the town walks by. Uh, I don't think they say this. I don't know if I need to roll for that or not, but I kind of just give him the little head nod. Are you trying to get his attention? He's walking by. He looks at me. It's kind of one of those things. I tell you what roll. What do you want me to roll? A performance? Uh, to see if you can really catch his attention with the idea of, hey, I want you to come over here. No, I don't necessarily want him to come over. This is going into your chummy with these guys. What I've talked to you about is he okay? That's a really hard thing. Don't look over there between you and this guard. Yeah. What do you want me to roll? But you still want me? Yeah, I didn't figure that. You're just saying you just want to make sure that you got him as sort of backup. You got me in a way. Okay. He would obviously know what was going on. Sure. How do I go about this? Skyler, um, what do you want to happen right now as the dude walks by, he's a member of yeah. And he gives you a nod back. Sure. Just thinks you're friendly. Just really tough. Because I don't know how much to share, and I don't know how much to not share. Do you want him to do something? Right now? I'm very willing to pretend that I've heard nothing. Right. Nice. Um, yeah. Currently, uh, Rourick is digging through his pockets, trying to see what things he does own. Right. Or sauce. Possible sauce. I just don't know. What do you want from him in this moment? Just obviously, I wouldn't want him to come over. I just want to do the little yeah, okay. You give him the signal. Just a little head nod. Stay nearby. As I'm talking, I'm just like, yeah, okay, that was a lot to explain, but I don't know how much not to share. Um, give me that much at least. So yeah, okay, you do that. So as I'm talking to him, I just see, hey, give him a little head nod. He gives you a nod back. Then, uh, he kind of sort of walks a little bit further, but then he kind of stops and leans up against maybe one of the nearby houses. Would these guys notice? Do I notice? We would have to roll? Yeah, go for give me a perception roll, you guys, just to see if you kind of catch on to both. What your newfound friend did, and also the guard. Okay, so good at these nine. All right. Dirty 20. Uh, a dirty 20. All right. Fitting. Fitting. All right. Is it perception? Yes. 1313. All right. Um, I'd say 13 and higher. You guys kind of catch on to, at the very least, the guard. Uh, but I would say that des, you catch on to the little head nod that was given by your associate that caught the attention of this guard. I see so much, but can say so little. That's true. He's the perfect person to roll high. What's he going to tell everybody? Where's the sauce? He wants the sauce. It's in the back. It's down the street. Uh, all right, find a vendor down there. I would be interested. Do you know where we could pick up jobs? Like a, uh, job board or something? You guys could, uh, work for me selling sauce? No. Can we get a job board somewhere that pays more than we don't know how much I pay. I already have a good feeling. I mean, I'd be willing to pay you guys 5% of the daily sold. Each of the daily daily sauce sold. So they sell say they sell $10. They get 5% of ten. How much do you sell on a daily basis? It varies. We're not in the heavy sauce season. Nobody's really doing, like, rub. Oh, wait, rib cookouts. Wait, you're not in the heavy sauce season? The community feast is a heavy sauce season. Oh, but not right now. It's a dry season. Right now it's more of the dry rub season. Dry rub vendor can be three boost, Dallas. In that case, we should get a job with them instead. But next week, it turns back into sauce season. Uh, well, we'll meet you again next week. Come on, boys. And I'm just going to start walking to the guard who's right across the stand from us. I'm going to be like, hey, Mr. Gar, where's a job board? We want a job. Uh, board. Well, uh, if you're looking for the Mercenaries Guild, you know well, there would be Adventurers Guild. There is no Adventurers Guild. What kind of lame place is this? We have a Mercenaries Guild. They take care of problems that arise within the city. Okay. I like to punch stuff up, call it duty. You guys want to become mercenaries? Yeah. Okay. Unless you're looking for work with one of local businesses. Sure. That plays, and he's, like, motioning right behind him. I see. Well, you have a number of options businesses you could ask. But if I hear that you've been harassing any of the people that are in good businesses around here, I'm going to have words to say. Hurricane points at himself and kind of looks confused. He goes harassed. We've been harassed here, if anybody. Oh, yeah? By whom? People. Not really a safe place around here for a goblin and some Cancuns and, uh, scaly boy. Well, at least you're self aware. Uh, I try to be. And self conscious. And very nervous about my body. Very nervous about my new found body. I miss my hair and my nips. Anyways, boys, let's get out of here. I like to imagine the guard just stares at your chest for a second. Hey, no looking. All right, so you guys head off into an undisclosed direction, I assume in search of the Mercenaries Guild. Sure. Maki says in his, uh, perfect, normal voice, let's go to the bar. These phrases that was in Maki's psyche. Maki was her voice. Maki. And at this point, Maki realizes that he has a talent for mimicry, but he also remembers his past life and the words he often said in that life. Oh, good. And so he tries to mimic his own voice, and in doing so, finds out he can talk normally. There you go. With minor hiccups. Yeah. Um, out of curiosity, Buzwords Quinn does your character what is he doing? What time of day is this? Probably, uh, let's say it's past early morning, uh, uh, going into, like, lunchtime, maybe. Not quite the brunch hours. Uh, I just hop out, pull the sign down, and say back at this time, got a little non patient. Oh, yeah. So I just kind of hop out, pull the little I don't know what you call the gate down or whatever. Just says we'll be back. We'll be back. All right, perfect. Des will return to Lil sauce. Okay. And he opens his beak, and he just hey, you. Yeah, you. Come here. Um, okay. Yeah. Can I help you? I'm closed for the time being. What a special friend you are. I'm flattered, but I'm going to take an early lunch today. Follow me. Um, I mean, I had some other stuff I had planned. No, little passive aggressive. Can I meet you here in, like, ten minutes? Just narrows his eyes at you. Five minutes. Des rolls his eyes and continues to walk back towards his group of friends. All right. Okay. I'll meet you in five minutes. I walk over to the guard. Okay. We just have our conversation. Yeah. What do you got? Yeah, I got some strange, uh, people. I haven't seen town before. Yeah, it happens. Uh, it happens, but not like this. He comes up asking about lil sauce. M first of all, who hasn't heard about Lil Sauce? Sauce. You do get around Lil sauce. I don't know if you're just coming over here to get words of affirmation from me. No. So he sits there and he says, we're looking for jobs, so I offered him a job. He said no. Well, that also happens reasonably often. Yeah, but then he says, how about a heist a m little strange. That is a bit strange, for sure. Do you think we should take this to the higher ups? How about you follow him? Well, this guy over here to point to him over there. Is he still just, like, looking at me? Giving you dagger? This guy told me to come follow him now. What a coincidence. It's crazy how this world works. It really is. Get to it, all right? And don't forget to let us know if you notice anything. All right, sounds good. Little sauce out. All right. Yeah. You give him a little piece sign. No, we do the awkward forearm grab. I really wish he would stop grabbing my arm like that. It's in memory of McGriddle. He's a human. It's in memory of McGriddle. Remember the cause. What? What was that? What? It's in memory of McGriddle. Yeah, remember the cause. What does that mean? See you later? I mean, we all liked McGriddle, but okay, see you later, and you walk off to kind of follow. Now, out of curiosity, are you following after them, like stealthily, or are you just trying to keep your distance? I'm m just walking up to this guy because he yelling. Okay. All right, so, yeah, you catch up to him. Hey, what's up? And all the rest of you obviously hear him right behind this guy. He asked me to follow him. He what? What a special friend you are. Oh, he must like you. I'm very flattered. I think this might be an elaborate ploy to get at your sauces, but we'll roll with it. I feel like he's this bird guy is a good judge of character. I don't know why. I just trust uh, as you guys are making your way to the tavern, are you guys asking him m any questions about the world or the city or anything like that? What, uh, does a fella got to do to get a million gold as fast as possible? A million gold? A million gold. Well, you have to work hard. No. You have to be persistent. Uh, you have to be honest. Definitely not. Now, to clarify, Quinn, uh, you would know better than anybody, sir, what's your character's name? I feel bad calling you Quinn when you have uh right. Sorry. Lil sauce. Uh, you do know that there are many in this city that have made a lot of money doing some very questionable and underhanded things. Um, but whether or not you would go into detail about those things, I guess, is up to you. I don't think so, because I'm not necessarily a fan of those things. No, that's fair. I'm just really good at those things, particularly. All right. But I don't think I'd mention that. Okay. Obviously, um, I'm only there because this guy has dragged me along. I'm kind of sketched out by these guys. Fair enough. Okay. I'm just saying, at any point, if you need me to fill in gaps, uh, of what you would know, that's fine. You would want to answer with this group for any of their questions, open your mouth. So I guess I could say that then there's a lot of people that have made money here in very bad ways, but I don't think you're those type of pirates. Not necessarily pirates. Pirates, uh, are cool. I was a pirate. You were a pirate. I look at you up, and it's like you're little too don't. Well, I know my place in this world. I do too. Debatable. Uh, and that's with a million dollars in collective pockets. But we do have a bank. We do have a bank. Uh, you don't have any money to put in it? Sure. But we do have a very nice casino gambling parlor. We, uh, have actually, like, four of those for some reason in this world. I'm not sure why. There's plenty there are four in this community alone. Not sure why there's so many in this world, but, uh, maybe not. Are they all district? But there are definitely at least one district. Are they all district owned by the same person? No, many different people. So four different owners, the four different casinos. That's probably why. Maybe not four. It just seems like that many. But they're in every district you go to. Very big boss is like, there's only four good ones that give you, like, free drinks while you're gambling. Free drinks while you're gambling. We all look at mom, but you guys don't have any money. So, I mean, that's off the table. You can give us some money. Yeah, but then, uh, you didn't earn it. Haven't you heard of begging? I tell you what, I'm a generous guy. Let's go over to the gambling parlor. I'll give you $10. I'll let you spend the slot machine a couple of times. If you can, say, win triple your money, I'll give you some free sauce, and we keep the money. Sure. And they give us drinks if we sit in these gambling halls. If you sit there long enough. But $10 isn't a lot. That could be gone in two spends. I see. All right, deal. Like, free money. I'm not going to say no. So you take them to do you like this idea? Let's say that it's in here. Okay. Edo, you can't just nod. This is an audio based podcast. Hey, everyone, skyler here. Are you a fan of Session Zero Heroes and the shows we produce or the characters involved? Then you should check out our epic merch we have available online from shirts to stickers and everything in between. We worked hard on creating a variety of designs and made sure to get your favorite characters on those products as well. Whether you're looking for broccoli on a hoodie to wear to the gym with you, or maybe fizzle fingers tote bag to stuff your ill gotten gains in, we've got you covered. Just head over to our website@sessionseroheroes.com and click on our merch tab to see all the amazing products and designs that you can get. Now back to the show. Your new friend leads you to a fairly nice casino. It's a pretty nice one. It's not in the, uh, district that you were at. He leads you back into the Asgardia district that I had mentioned before. Um, the nicer kind of area, the nicer district. And you're greeted by a tiled floor leading all the way up to the entrance. So you guys are all standing there in front of this guard at the casino, and he is trying, uh, to figure out if he should let you in or not. Um, who are you guys? Oh, yes, uh, it's Lil Sauce, and I got my group of friends here. Little sauce. Uh, not sure. Yeah, give, uh, me a persuasion roll. Yeah, little Sauce in the marinade 15. All right. Yeah. He says ah. Oh, yeah. You're the guy with the sauce stand over in the mediumville district? Yeah, that's me. All right. Yeah, I mean, go on in. We know that you don't cause trouble. Are these guys with you? They're with me. Are they cool? They're not going to cause any trouble in there? Cool as a cucumber. All right. If you're flashy finger, no gun. Yes. Uh, uh, what's up? Yes. You see any celebrities come through here recently? Uh, no, not really. Nobody today. It's a little early. Slow day. I'm not saying it's a slow day. It's just a little early. When do the celebrities show up? It's usually more of a late night thing. Do you have anybody in residency at, ah, the casino? Yeah, uh, performer. Oh, a performer. Well, we don't usually get anybody until, like I said, the later hour. Uh, usually it's just old people that come here during this time. No, no, constant same same people. Oh, well, I mean, we got Philly Jim and the jets. Philly jim and the oh, I love oh. Really? Wait, wait, wait. What kind of tricks do these old people yeah, yeah, you mentioned you got, uh, old people. No, sorry. The old people are the only ones here gambling, and they like to keep it pretty simple, pretty peaceful, uh, while they're doing their thing. It might smell a little funny. They still want to go in? Just old people? I mean, our fellows got to go to make some money, right? I got my ten goal here for you guys. Uh, uh, free drink, free drinks. Nothing tastes better than free. That's ah what he should we go inside and talk to the guests so we know. I do like the company of this security guy up front, though. Do you want to join us? No. Okay. Well, let's go. Please do. You're holding up the line. Yes. There is not a line. There's, uh, three old ladies waiting behind you, and they're getting very impatient. Sorry, Dean. The old ladies. Anyways, we're not we're just making sure you guys we're keeping an eye on you guys, okay? They're not getting any younger, so come on. Yeah, when you're getting any younger, please move along. Okay. All right, we're going to walk up to that lady in the front, the boot hold on. I got to describe that ahead of yourself. What are you talking about? I want to walk up to the okay, so you walk inside to this front section of the casino, and you look to your right and your left, and you see sort of a seating area for people who are eating right. Uh, there's a buffet on the left side. Not on the right side. That's just additional seating space. But on the left side, you see a little cashier booth register, whatever you want to call it. And it's manned by a female tiefling, um, who's kind of just, like, checking people in if they want to purchase a spot to go eat at the buffet. Um, it's a long buffet table right now. It's got a bunch of, uh, brunch foods. So you've got your eggs and bacon and sausage and waffles and other things. Pancakes, whatever. Fruit. There's a fruit. This is a section important question that all of us are thinking. Maybe not little sauce, but we're in new bodies. Are we really hungry? Because, uh, we went through, like, a body transformation, and if it's a pocket dimension, are we more so like clay, um, homunculi? Or are we indeed real individuals? This sounds like we need to eat and breathe and drink. Uh, well, to jump over real quick to Jackson's question, uh, that seems like a really great question that if you had the divine talkie walkie what's this talking walking thing you're talking about? I was not around. Sure. I'm not talking to your character. That's true. But to jump over how dumb you guys are to your question about hunger, you, uh, are as hungry as somebody that just woke up in the morning so hungry for breakfast. Sure. So when that bacon hits our noses um, when that bacon hits my nose, I want to eat it. You float up in the air. Some wings appear behind. I don't want to eat my nose. Yes. I'm just like a cartoon character. I smell the bacon, and I start floating up in the air and start floating towards the bacon. And the lady grabs I was going to say, as you're floating, my back foot and drags you back, slams you down on the ground, and she says, Sir, I don't see a badge that says you paid to be in the buffet. I dropped it. You say that. I didn't say it. Okay. You didn't say anything. Okay. I'm going to be like, oh, I thought everything in here was free. Yeah, that if you are inside of the gambling hall, you may be able to receive some free drinks as you sit and play the game. I look around. I go, do you have to be playing the games? Uh, the buffet is separate. Can I get your number? Excuse me? My house number. So you can visit me. No, sir, we are not on that basis yet. I thought we were playing the dating Game. He starts just nudging. Excuse me. You are causing quite a disturbance for the other guests who are eating. If you could please move into the gambling hall with your craziness. They can't even hear. Uh, machines are too loud. All they can hear is the sound of their greed and jackpot sounds. And you do hear in the distance some jackpot sounds or some general just machine sounds, followed by the clingling and clanging of little coins against metal further into the casino area. We got a winner. Can you say that? Shaking my head, furiously scan the room for any, i, uh, don't know, uh, old people that are, like, struggling. Anything in particular? There's definitely at least one old lady that's an old man that's trying to get, uh, spoonful of jello, and they're going to just give us their money. Thanks for the old people. Uh, in the additional seating area to your right, you see an old man, and he's got a spoon of jello, and it's just really shaky, and he's trying to get it to his mouth, but he's having a really hard time getting it there without dropping that jello. And then he's got to go scoop it up again, and he tries, and it just keeps happening. Poor guy. Wait, we are newcomers. Did we get that newcomer bonus? You say that. Can someone ask? I said, let's go get it. And you guys want we're standing with the lady, right? This is the lady that we got, the newcomer? Yeah. I'll ask her about it because I said we need to go talk to her about the new person bonus. It's been a while since I was a new customer. You guys have the free person bonus? Oh, yes. Uh, we give away three gambling tokens. They're basically the equivalent of one gold, but they must be used in the machines for, uh, any newcomers that come, uh, to the casino. Neil, what's the catch? Well, they can't be used elsewhere. You can take them from the casino, but they can't be used to purchase things. Like I said, they're only worth the equivalent of a gold within the machines or the gambling here at the casino. You can't use them outside. Worthless. Yes, essentially, yes, outside of the casino. Well, hand them over. Oh, you're all newcomers. Except you, sir. I'm roll sauce. Okay. Is that an emotional state or a oh. Anyways, uh, she hands, uh, all of you except for lil sauce, uh, three sort of wooden, uh, tokens that, uh, have some logo and insignia from the casino on it. Uh, Maki takes the wooden token and bites it to make sure it's real. It hurts. Uh, how hard are you biting it? Because he might just break it. Oh, no, you leave it. You definitely oh, yeah, that's right. You have a beak 19. Don't you snap it in half with your beak. Hey, this one's false to you. We're trying to pull you. Oh, yeah? What kind of stun is this? Give me the coin, I'll give you a new one. I, uh, give it back. All right, she gives you a fresh one that's not split in half. Please. I don't know if this one's not faulty. I won't give you another one. You say it's like you have it against your beak. In my beak? Sideways. Shall we go? And I'll give you ten gold, and if you can triple it, you can keep it. If not, why would we double it? You lose. You got to work for me. All right, deal. Okay, that's the gold. Pick a machine. All right, now I got to do to win some money. Come on, boys. So you step into, uh, the gambling hall, and you see a variety of different options, uh, immediately inside to, uh, it's just kind of a lobby area, but the further you go, you see there's a back room that has a whole bunch of the slot machines. They are these sort of steampunk metal machines with simple, like, cogs and such inside of it. It looks like your typical slot machine from the outside, just with kind of, like I said, a steampunk theme to it. Um, but given the world that this Dungeons and Dragons is set in, it's a simplified machine. It's not electronic. You pull the thing, uh, the wheels spin, that all have the different symbols, uh, on them. And if you land on a triple of, uh, symbols, then you would win money, just like with normal slots. Machine. Is that it? No. Uh, to your left, you see a guard standing actually, it's a staff attendant, and he is standing in front of a doorway that's open. You can kind of see inside. And it looks like there might be a couple of small meeting areas inside of there. Um, to your right, there's a long hallway that leads down with rooms on either side to the left or right. And peering inside of those rooms, you'll see a variety of different tables with some more table based gambling, uh, games inside. Is that it? Wait, what was the guard guarding? A meeting room? Yeah, uh, I'm guessing where they do m private stuff. And then finally gambling or the high stakes gamblers. Uh, finally, the last thing that you see is about midway down that hallway on the left side, you see another guard standing there, guarding what seems to be a room, uh, labeled booth. Private booths. Okay. You hear some type of music coming from there? New sound. It seems kind of dark. Yeah, I need to click that later. Um, question. Is there anywhere that looks like a, uh, place where people would perform? Because we were told about performers. Yeah, if we don't see that, then I guess it'd be the private booth. Oh, yeah, no, definitely, uh, you would definitely assume that in the rooms with the tables, there's probably a lot of people or there's probably somebody performing in one of them. Um, the area with the machines is a bit loud and so they probably don't put any kind of performers in there because it would just make meeting room to the left of us. Not in the meeting rooms, but no, there's some larger rooms that just have the table games in them. Like things that you play with a person. Yeah, it's just one of those rooms would be a performance room stage, probably in that open space. There are three large ones and one small one. And I'm just going to say that you guys walk down the hall and see what's in each of these. That's right. On the right side, you see two different, very large, wide rooms. Those all have somebody playing inside of them. And then at the very end, you see a lot of wealthy people that are inside of this one sort, uh, of larger, but not quite as large room. It has a bar in the center of it. There's an attendant at this bar. And you see a lot of well dressed people playing games at the various tables around there. There are a couple of machines. Um, but there's also an individual, he's playing music there on the left side, you pass the private booths and there are two sort of, uh one is a private, larger gambling room. Um, it's just blocked off. And then one of them is open and it has one large round table and then a bunch of chairs that sit around it. There's an attendant in the middle of this table who's kind of like dealing out cards and things like that. This is kind of the higher limit room. Guys, you sure you don't want to go back to one of the cheaper machines here? Cure ten gold. You can spend it however you want, but I think we should go back. Yeah, I think we should go back too. You have that game with the cows. We do have the game with the Cow. I love that game. So to give context, there's a running joke with our group about a one slot game at our local casino that we call the Cow Game that we just make constant jokes about and say, like, we only are going to the casino strictly for the Cow game. There's the context. So we're going to go to the Cow game. That is it. That is all that is. I know exactly where it's at. Call me. They have the Cow game here too. All right. I've heard stories. You go to the room with all the machines, you see a number of goodness sakes. You see a number of elderly people sitting around just coin, button, coin, button, coin. Or actually sorry, it's a lever. It's not a button. Coin, lever. Coin, lever. Just playing playing over and over again as they're walking around. Just watch these old people and see if any of them are, like, pulling coins out of, like, a cup from they have a cup to the side of them. Oh, absolutely. They do. Yeah. They have little cups. Okay. Uh, he's going to grab Keto walking down the, uh, aisle, and we're going to stop by one of the older ladies who's kind of, like, on the edge. Okay. And he's going to be stop near you're more charismatic. You can do the talking. I'll do the, uh yeah, okay. Yeah. He just gives Keto, like, a little wink, and he says, like, okay. And he walks up to the lady, and he goes to the left of her office of the cup, and he sets his hand down just on the side of her shoulder. Okay. And he's going to go like, hey, what game? But as he sets his hand down on her, his hand shocks her with his staticity, goes, oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. I haven't felt that since he resuscitated me with the defibritor. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do it. Um what are you doing here, you dang goblin? I thought it was the cow game. I'm sorry. God, this dirty, filthy goblin is dirty, am I? And he's going to, like, look at it. She grabs a cane and she just, get away from me, you filthy goblin. Uh, all right. But no, he's definitely playing this up because she's going to crawl, lay on the ground, and grab her leg. No, please. I mean, I swear, you just slamy hands away from my slowly set down his arms on the ground and drag himself, but very slow away. And he's going, I'm so sorry. Filthy monster. Um, uh get away from me. I will kill you. I will rid our land of your filth is this a racist Manny position? And just starts crying. We should have wiped your anyway, while all this is happening, can Nick roll sleight of hand? Yes, absolutely, Nick. I will give fatty lumpkins. I'll do that again. While this is all happening, can fatty, or rather keto, roll slight of hand? Yes, fatty lumpkins. If you could give me a slight hand, I will give you advantage since you are being very obviously helped by your friend. Don't take that one. I'll take the first. 119 19. I was worried your slight hand was going to be, like, negative. I'm like, oh, jeez. I was like, I figured the fighter would have decent dexterity. You shove your hand deep into you feeling confident having seen this incredible display put on by your friend. You feel confident enough to jam your hand deep into this cup and withdraw eight gold coins from inside. Where do you go after? I'm going to look around me, see if anyone saw me. Nobody seems to have noticed. Um, most people are either focused solely on their game no on their game, and then a couple of people have actually stopped playing their game to look at the craziness going on with this elderly woman and the goblin holding her leg. Give them a left hook and slip into the shadow. Yeah, I'll give them the left hook. Well, I'm going to actually give her a minus one. Does an eleven hit you? Does an eleven hit me? Yeah. No, it does not. It does not. Okay. She's just okay. And as I'm, like, sprawling around on the ground, I'm going to try and craftily start flailing my arms as she's whacking me, because if there's a person next to me, I want to knock their cup over if they have it on the ground and just have gold just spew everywhere. Okay. Do me a flail check. Let's do, uh, athletics, I guess. Or acrobatics. Or acrobatics. Oh, if it's acrobatics. Okay. Athletics is zero. Acrobatics is a plus nine. Acrobatic, whichever one sounds the closest to what I'm doing, because I'm definitely well, here's what I'll say. Just playing up my the more I think about it, acrobatics or performance does make more sense in this situation. You're not trying to grab anything. I'm not trying to grab it. I'm just trying to knock a cup over. Yeah, you're trying to make it look like it's part of me flailing around the ground because I'm getting hit. I'm going to say acrobatics just because of the fact that you are trying to reach up and get the cup knocked off of their little okay. So, like, kind of stand up, and you're going to have to do, like, another okay. 25. Holy. Okay. Well, yeah, you knock, like, three cups onto the ground, but as they hit the ground and the coins go flying, all the elderly people here turn around and start diving for the free money that's hitting. I'm going to fall onto the pile of money that has now been created and start groveling. And I'm just, like, acting like I'm just in pain. Feels like a weird sex, but as I'm doing this, I'm, like, pushing the money into my pocket. Guy in that money. What are those? Money containers? I'm pretending to be hurt, uh, because I'm injured because she was whacking me, so I'm like my back. I know I'm asking for something stupid, but do a slight hand to see how much money you can grab. 1717. All right, I'll give you a D twelve. That's an additional six coins you're able to load into your pocket. And then as I'm laying down doing this with my gravel stuff, uh, I'm going to notice that pack of people are just diving in this pile. And I see it, like, the perfect opportunity to just run away. So he just kind of just kind of stands up and goes off running behind the slot machine and then kind of, like, eyes around to try and find his group. Okay. But he kind of heads, like, opposite and then goes the wide way around to find them so that he doesn't walk back through the it's not a very big room, I will say. But you do get into I'm just saying, I don't turn around and just walk right back through the group of old people. No, you're going, like, the wide range way around. Maybe even regroups with Keto is on the side or something. And of course, the old lady that you were harassing and a couple of the other ones are all shouting as they just beat into m the crowd with their purses and such. But, uh, yeah, you're able to regroup. I, uh, would assume most of the people in this group have probably stood outside of this little hall. Um, those three did whatever they wanted. They could, uh, just us, too. Okay, fair point. Fair point. Yeah. That a lot of the old people were distracted by the flying coins. I would like to attempt to grab one or two cups from the distracted. So you were just watching, just staring, learning sound. Yeah. Do a stealth roll at advantage. Learned a lot of fun words. That lady said you might think that that's what you call goblins. Oh, interesting. Uh both 19. Really? Wow. That's impressive. All right. Yeah. You're able to grab, uh, three cups of coins. Three cups. Three cups. It's a question of how much. So the whole point of this thing was to get me and Keto to stealthily get money, and then you just come out of nowhere and just grab three cups. You grab three cups with a total of 25 coins. It's all about how you went about it. It's because birds are attracted to shiny things. I am a pro. I like this shiny metal. Yeah, I didn't give any of them the, uh, starting gold amount that the player handbook told us to give them. They just stole about that amount when they went to the first casino. We've now tripled our 30 gold. So look at this. Got them. Think about that. That's a good point. This is great reconvene. And be like, I'm going to hang out with Keto and Dex, and I'm going to be like, okay, guys, so how much money did you get? Keto? Has anyone seen Maki? Is he by the bar? Where is Maki? Feather McGregor is leading me to the cowgy. Okay, he's going to blow our 30. Who is spilling jello all over my cabinet. And sure enough, there's an old man sitting there, and you see him pull the handle, and it goes as all three of the things spin. And as they stop, you hear and he goes, oh, dang it, I didn't win again. And he goes to put another coin into the slot. You old coop. You're making a mess of my favorite machine. Who said that? And he shuffles in his chair, and he eventually turns around and he sees you, he's like, what are you doing here, uh, feather brain? I said, I grabbed him by the I said, you're spilling jello all over my favorite cake. Ah. As I grab him by the collar, I want to try to grab his buffet token. We are all expecting money. Roll, a slight of hand there. You try to steal this man's buffet badge right off his person. Okay, here, hold on. That is not a D 20. This is the D 20. He says, hey, you get over me. And he shakes you off, and he says, what do you think you're doing? What do you think you're doing now? I'm just playing the game. Don't make me call the guards on you. Your dang feather brain. I feel like I'm walking over. You are there. Yeah, I grab them. Come on. What are you doing? Uh, you guys got in here on my word. What's going on? Are you guys going to do my channel? Feather heads better get out of here. He's, uh, making the leather. The lever all sticky on my let him make it sticky. It's everybody's favorite game. Yeah, well, at least I wouldn't be getting fleas and ticks all over it. There's, like, seven more of cow games over here. You haven't even looked over here. You just hear in the distance. Let's go. Are you guys going to do this challenge or what? I would like to walk up to him. This is what we show him. One token and just say it's. Congratulations. But here's my ten tokens. Who wants to be the one to play? I take them from your hand. All ten. Uh, it's time to play the game. And you guys have agreed, if you don't triple your money, if you don't have 30 gold, I believe I've tripled it without even touching a coin for clarity. How much money you get, Keto? No, you guys got to put it in the machine without stealing it. What do you mean, steal? We triple it. What happens? Uh, we just want some money over there. You get to keep it. If you don't, you work for me for a day or two. We want some money over there. Not with my money, though. Who said it had to be your money? I did, and you agreed to it. No, you said triple the amount of your money. I said with my money. Well, we tripled it, I think. I don't know how much you get. Dex, could you hold up fingers or something? Okay, that said 25. 25 52 wait, which one is it? 25 52. Five. I was right. That was big dreaming, though. 20. Uh, five, eight, six I think that's more than 30 deals. Uh, up maki's got his money, but he looks at his hands and realizes that his clawed hands and realizes he only has, like, four fingers on each. Oh, that's kind of weird. Can I reach over? He doesn't know how to use his hands. If they're not going to play my game, I'm going to pop the money out of his hand. And what would I roll for that? To pop the money out of his hand. Kenneth, let's go. Yeah, uh, do a slight of hand, I suppose. And then, uh, two plus six. Eight. Dave, if you just want to roll against that. They do indeed have five fingers. Uh, he quickly clutches his hand just as you go to slap it. Are you going to gamble the money? You're just short fingers. So some of the official Dungeons and Dragons pictures do have five fingers. Some of them only have, like, three or four. Um, so I guess it's up to you. It's up to you. Would you like you got four fingers? Do you want to be said? I'm going to go more the ninja Turtles route. Yes, but an extra one. Four fingers and a thumb. Okay. Nice. All right, so, um, little, uh, sauce is getting frustrated that you're, uh, not gambling his money. That's a weird thing to say, but we want to gamble. How'd you get that money? What? How'd you get your money? I told you, the machine is over there. Let him gamble. Cow machine right here. They're free tokens they got, but you still huh? We're professional. It's very OD that you all got lucky. What? Or this isn't at the point of a casino. With your one token, you always lose. Well, they each had three tokens. That equal don't ask me. No, they had three that were a gold. Each token represents a gold. That can only be three gold. That's still not very much. I mean, I'm at six gold, so I doubled. He got eight. The real one you should be asking is Dex, who got 25? I don't know how he did it, but we just played. Did you steal them? Allegedly. He doesn't like the accusation. Allegedly. All right, well, I guess you guys won the challenge then, huh? Well, he still got bet he can do what he wants with it. Now, you guys have already won the challenge. Watch him play your money. Get your money now. Go ahead and play it. All right. Don't got to tell me twice. The cow sounds beckon you to the machine. You got to know how to work these old girls. Uh, as you get closer, you realize that, uh, there's one machine in particular where the design of the machine is a cow. It just has a hole in the side of it where the spinning parts are with the display. And then you realize that the handle that you pull, the crank pull is the tail of the cow. I thought you were going to say and all of the coins really interesting. All of the coins come out of utters. Yes, the coins are coming out of utters. Well, there's currently no coins coming out of it because nobody's sitting at this one, it looks like it must be an older model. It's a little like, worn out, you can tell and such like that. You can also tell that they, uh, definitely left this design concept. They like the cow theme, but they didn't like the design of the cow. Too many moving parts. It's true. It's weird. I don't know how this machine works. I just start putting all my coins in. Oh, all ten? Just all ten in one go, plus the three. Yeah. All right, so this is how this is going to work. You're going to need a show. It you mean business. You're going to need a whole bunch of D sixes. I think we should be all. Okay, so what you're going to do is you're going to take three of those D sixes and you're going to roll them. And those are going to be your top row of, uh, what the thing spins, then you'll roll another three. That'll be your second row. And then you'll roll another three, and that'll be your third row. You can place them however you want as you roll them, but once you've placed them and you start to roll the next ones, you cannot move them at all. Uh, you're trying to create a three of a kind. Or a run. Or a run. Three sixes. Wow. Right off the bat. Okay, keep going. You get all, uh, sixes. You hit the jackpot. What I tell you? I see another six. Okay, well, you can't create a run with that, but you can create vertical ones, too. So what'd you get on this second one, Dave? Uh, two six and, uh, a five. All right. Two diagonals. Yes. Okay. All right. You need to get more six, and there are two sixes. What do we got on this one? Two, fives and a one. All right, well, we definitely got the three sixes on the top row altogether. So that's a three of a kind. Um, three. This looks funny. Holy cow. All right, I got you. I got it. All right, so as you pull the lever and the numbers ding, ding, ding six, six come up across the top row. Ironic that it happened in a casino. All right. Wow. I was part of a cult. Um, all of a sudden, uh, the cow bells begin turing and, uh, the cow goes, M. Actually, it's just like a term for winning, I guess. And, uh, all of a sudden, the utter mechanics begin to move as they start spitting out gold coins. A lot of the other people within the room all turn towards this machine, all going, whoa. And you watch as hundreds of coins start. Hundreds? A couple hundred. Sorry, I keep using poor use of words. 234 coins spit out of the machine from just a three of a kind, from a single row of three of a kind, from sixes, explicitly. Oh, three of a kind of sixes. Yeah. Well, shoot, I want to try now. I think we all want to try now. Uh, just as you're saying this and you're collecting the rest of your coins, a guard comes up behind you and he says, I've had reports that you group has been causing some trouble. You're going to need to come with me. I look at him and I say, uh, erect? Oh, God. Allegedly. Allegedly. Okay, uh, I got some witnesses that have pointed you out. Specifically, he turns around and you see the old ladies. Specifically, um, the one that you had grabbed her leg. She's looking at me? Yeah, she's looking at you. And then a couple of other old ladies that are just, like, pointing at your group in general. I'm going to direct it all at me. I just went over to ask her what game it was, and then she started feeding me with her game. Sir, I'm going to have to ask you and your group to leave immediately. They didn't do anything. I mean, I didn't do anything. I got beat by an old lady. You should be take I should be pressing charges on her. Sir, don't make me have to get violent. What do you mean get violent? You need I already got beat by an old lady. And he pulls out a large more violent than sledgehammer. Uh, and he says, well, you're about to get beat again. I'll leave if you guys want. I didn't think I can a goblin come here and gamble a ah. They're just jealous of the professionals. Professionals? I was just watching this guy play the cow game, and he starts to kind of, like, push you towards the exit of this room. I guess I'll leave. Can I see a cash out area? Um, well, I mean, like, the coins when they come out, they are like actual gold. Okay, well, I still only have the tokens. Can I cash out tokens? Uh, no tokens. They only go into the machine. Right. Or any of the is he just making me leave? Standing within your group and pushing your group to leave, it seems like most of it is directed towards you. I'm trying to play it up like, um, not des. Um maki maki didn't do it. None of them did anything. Just take me. I'm just watching them play. I need you all out of here. Why? Move. Um, it or lose it. The one old man shaking his jello. I still have the three tokens. Well, I don't know what to tell you. I got to play a game to use them first. You need to leave. But they're worthless out of you. That's what you guys kept telling me. Yes, I understand if you want to leave them at the front desk, you can do so what I do wrong? You assaulted an old lady. And then he points at Keto and he's like, he was involved with assaulting the old lady. And this guy is pulling some kind of scams at the machines. Hey, I'm a professional. Yeah, uh, professional at, uh, stealing. Take it easy. Put the billy club away. People not supposed to win here. You, uh, come in and you cause a ruckus, and he's with you, and all of a sudden he's winning. I mean, I don't know how he's doing it, but he must be tampering with the m mechanisms inside the machine. Little soft. Do you ever win here? Occasionally. That's what I thought. Well, that was a fun casino adventure. Play one game and get kicked out. How much did you say your, uh, stand makes? It varies. Right now it's dry rub season, but next week it's back to sauce season. I can sell upwards of 50 tubs of sauce a day. Whole tubs, whole sauce. Well, considering it's, uh, dry rub season, how about I give you these 30 gold, triple what you gave us, and, uh, work with us for a few days? You can keep your gold, and I'll work with you anyways. How about that? Wow. I see how our luck is. He sees we're professional. I have enough gold on my own. Then it's dry rub. I don't need your gold. Just to clarify, I assume you guys are discussing this as you're being let out. That's kind of obvious. Okay. I don't think we want to fight a guy. All right. Sounds good. Yet. That's right. Apparently I fought an old lady. You don't remember that? And you survived. I remember getting beat by an old lady. It was a pretty one sided. It was very one sided. I don't know how I'm the one getting kicked out. Um, as you guys kind of did you watch the fight? No. What? I had several witnesses. I can show you my back and show you all the bruises I got from that lady. She said it was self defense. I was on the ground groveling. She said you grabbed her leg and she said you bit her. Did she show you the bite mark? Uh, she did. No, she didn't. Uh, well, you can still see her, and you look back and you see a bite mark. But granted, uh, this is a new body for you, but you kind of feel your teeth with your tongue, and they do not look like bite marks from well, I already know they're not from me, because I didn't bite her. She tries to put her dentures? Basically, yeah. She just pinched her. Or probably one of the others. During the whole no, during the crazy situation of everybody scrambling and fighting for the coins on the floor, you wonder if maybe somebody else had bitten her. She took out her own dension. And just as you're being let out, one of the other old ladies walks up and she says, excuse me, Officer, but have you seen my dentures? I lost them in the slatch room. And he's like, I'm dealing. With something right now. I'll help you in just a moment. She's like, this isn't very good customer service. Shouts out after on the ground. You don't see any in the hallway as you guys are being that's terrifying. Imagine a bird and smile. Human teeth. Well, we've talked them into existence, so it's definitely something you could get. Okay, so I guess we're light outside. All right. Uh, yeah, you step back outside into the sunlight, and, uh, the guard just kind of like he whispers something to the two guards that stand outside by the door. And they kind of just look over and, uh, yeah, they just kind of had their eyes, like, watching you guys real suspicious just in case you try anything. Well, that was fun. How much we'd make? 25. 208. Is that what you got? 234. Jeez. Uh, I find it funny how I got six and I'm the reason we got kicked out. I'm just saying it's funny that I got the lowest amount of money and I'm the reason that's what happens when you get beat by an old lady. I got beat metaphorically and physically by an old lady. They didn't give me a single free drink in there. Well, I think it's a little late for that. I guess we can just buy a drink now. There's an idea. Where's the bar? Yeah, I'm a little sore, so I think we need to nurse off these injuries. Awesome. So as you guys head off to find a tavern to get some drinks at, that, uh, is where we will end things for tonight. Thank you all for listening to our brand new series, The Criminals of Isla Numis. Thank you so much for listening to Criminals of Island Numis, a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition Actual Play podcast set in a homebrew world created by me, Skylar Gorset. If you've been enjoying our show so far, be sure to, like, follow and subscribe wherever it is that you're streaming from, whether that be Spotify, Apple, Podcasts, YouTube, or anywhere else that podcasts can be streamed, or just check us out on our website sessionseroheroes.com. Additionally, if you enjoy coin, you Might enjoy Some of Session Zero Heroes other Shows such as Our Benders And Brews and Avatar Legends actual Play, where We Jump into The World of Avatar the Last Airbender and Legend Of korra using the Avatar Legend system created by Magpie Games or one of our various One shots which we are currently coming out with, where we use a variety of games and TTRPG systems to tell a variety of fun, exciting, emotional and hilarious stories. Within our group, we have all sorts of other content that we highly recommend checking out within the SZH channel and more to come in the future to find out more about what we do at Session Zero Heroes and to keep up with a lot of the other content we produce and be made aware of, uh, future projects, shows and content. Be sure to follow us on social media, on Facebook, X, Instagram and Discord. These are all great ways to get in contact with our team, as well as to keep up to date with everything that we're creating and working on. We'd love to see you there. In the meantime, thank you so much for listening. And don't forget to stay curious. Stay heroic until we roll again.