Session Zero Heroes - A TTRPG Actual Play Podcast
Speaker A: Hello weary Traveler, I'm not sure what strange magic must have brought you here, but you have stepped into a realm of my creation, a sprawling city filled with danger and glory and most importantly, lots of gold.
Speaker B: Out.
Speaker A: I call it Ilanumis. Who am I, you might ask? M. The name is Jargon, and I'm the patron deity of gambling. Long story short, this group of idiots, or as you may call them, heroes, made a bet with me that they had what it took to make a mass trove of gold, but left some of the key details blank. So I fill them in myself. I send them to this pocket dimension, into the city I had created with brand new bodies they'd have to attune to. Can these fools pass my test? Or will they be trapped, uh, here forever? So, experience, um, my world of trials and tribulations and join alongside this posse of pitiful people, or as I like to call them, the criminals of Isla Numis.
Speaker B: Welcome back to another episode of the, uh, Criminals of Numis. Isla Numis. Uh, first try, last.
Speaker C: I got it.
Speaker B: First time. Last time twice. This time, we'll get there. We'll get used to it. It'll be. No. Uh, once again, I'm Skyler. I'm the DM. I don't even think I mentioned myself last time. Cameron, uh, to my left is the one rolling the dice. It's really annoying. It probably comes through on the audio. No, Cameron, uh, give us a quick plug for your player because we still have something figured out for our little, like, intro bit. Uh, my player's named Roric. He was a dwarf barbarian. Now he is a goblin rogue. A goblin rogue. What a switch up. Moving, uh, on to Fatty Tumpkins. Another thing that I'm going to get right on the first try eventually. Uh, Fatty, what is your character? That's right. That's not his character. That's what we're allowed to call him. That's what we've received. That's what the judge said we can call. That's right. Yes, exactly. Do all the above. I, uh, will be playing the character Keto, who was a druid, a dwelf druid. He was an Elvish druid that has been swapped, uh, or turned into a cobalt fighter. Fighter. And I'm excited to see that. Get used some fighting. Get done. Me, too. Especially for McCobal. That's right. That'll be interesting. All right, Jackson. Um, I'm Jackson. I play a character, Des, uh, who was a Triton fighter, turned. Um, I'm already blanking on what they're called. I keep wanting to say Eric Cockra, but it's Kenku. But it's turned Kenku. Ranger. Ranger. Awesome. Very cool. Another thing that'll be kind of interesting to see, especially when you get your.
Speaker D: Subclass.
Speaker B: Oh, you'll get it, and I'm sure you'll get. I'm pretty greedy when it comes to spending money. Uh, next up, we got Quinn. Quinn, the only character that doesn't have a previous identity. Quinn. Who the heck are you?
Speaker C: Feather McGregor, aka lil sauce.
Speaker B: Uh, little sauce. And he is also a Kenku.
Speaker D: And he's also a narc, apparently.
Speaker B: Yeah, we found out last episode he's.
Speaker C: A little bit of a narc.
Speaker B: He's a bit of a nerd.
Speaker C: Am I a.
Speaker B: Literally undercover cop is the definition of Narc. He turned in his. One more thing, he's going to get kicked off the horse. Maybe that's what happens. That would be spoilers. I don't know. Next up, uh, we got Dave.
Speaker D: Dave here playing Maki, a monk, rogue, arcane Trickster who's now in the body of a Kinku sorcerer. Maybe he'll discover some of his magic powers. This episode.
Speaker B: We want those magics. Can't wait to see those again. I'm Skyler. I am the DM M for this campaign, this podcast, this series. I am not playing a character unless you count every NPC. And let's just dive right in. All right, guys, so, last time, if you remember, uh, you have been approached by an interesting and questionable individual who referred to himself as the Slicer. The Slicer wants to work with you. Uh, unfortunately for you, Feather McGregor has some reservations about this individual, uh, who he knows to be a known criminal in this area, something that you guys wouldn't necessarily have known about if you didn't have him along to tell you about it. Uh, while Feather McGregor was a little bit distracted, uh, off talking to his. Well, actually, as far as you guys kNow, he was off to go get the rock that you guys had left behind that jar. Jim, the deity that trapped you here in these bodies had given you to allow you to ask him one question per day that he would be, happily to give a yes or no or whatever, the best he could give you answer to, um, whatever it may be. And he was off to go get that. So you guys chatted with the slicer, and the slicer gave you a little bit of a job to do. Uh, he kind of tested you guys first by expecting you guys to steal something. You, uh, guys more or less proved that I suppose. Um, but I digress. He definitely was, uh, happy to work with you guys, based on your results. And now he's got another job that he wants to meet up with you in a dark alleyway this afternoon, um, for a little bit of a trade off job that he wants to go south, and he wants to end, uh, up leaving with all the goodies to split between all of you. So that's where you guys left off. Uh, as you guys are standing there in the square, the slicer kind of making his way back to wherever he came from, disappearing into the crowds, feather McGregor approaches your group. Actually, he doesn't have the stone in his hand. He has it in his pocket. You guys don't know that, but whatever the case, he approaches you all.
Speaker C: Uh, yeah, guys, I found, uh, your little talkie walkie jockey phone, whatever you're calling it, Rock. Just a rock. It's literally just a rock. Like, I picked it up, I shook it. Nothing. I dropped it. Nothing. I kicked it. Nothing. I said, hello, nothing. It's, ah, just a ride. I figured I'm going to throw it.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker D: You throw it over to Rourick.
Speaker B: Rourick catches it, lets it hit the ground, picks it up. I don't know. I mean, my apple.
Speaker C: Okay.
Speaker B: I see him toss it towards me, eating the apple. Uh, I'm fighting through it, actually, at this point. It's like a couple of bites. He was doing it as a bit, and now he's just kind of like, I got to, uh, finish this. I stole it. I should probably eat it. Uh, he tosses him the rock, and he sees this as a great opportunity to ditch this apple. So he tosses the apple to him.
Speaker D: Okay.
Speaker B: And he also drops the rock, and it falls at his feet, and he goes. So they're still doing, huh?
Speaker D: Just gotta talk. Ah, sweet to it.
Speaker B: Here, give it to Maki. All right, you pick up the Rocky. Hand it over to Maki.
Speaker D: Hey, there, little guy. It's okay. Maki's got you now. And I stroke the rock. Uh, Jar. Jim. Yes.
Speaker B: You hear a deep voice call out to you, and you guys all hear it. Everybody in your little group here hears it. You all look around, and nobody else seems to notice. They all just are walking. You do notice I almost dropped the rock. Darled by the voice. Just come out of the, uh. Didn't. As far as Feather McGregor knows. And you ask this, but, uh, just so you know, Feather McGregor didn't exactly hear it coming directly from the rock. It kind of felt like it just came from. Yeah, kind of like above heard a voice talking to him, but it's a fair assumption that he would know. Did that come from the Rock?
Speaker D: Well, it didn't come from me or Des. I swear.
Speaker B: Des. I'm, um, shaking my head.
Speaker C: It was him, wasn't it? He doesn't ever speak. He spoke him.
Speaker D: So we can ask this guy, this rock, this oldest guy through the rock, one question a day.
Speaker B: That's important.
Speaker D: Now, let's see. What question do we want?
Speaker B: Let's cook up some good questions, and we'll take a vote on what the best one is. First of all, my main one is, what kind of meats does the slicer slice? That is my main question. I want to ask. I want to know.
Speaker C: I don't really have input to this because I'm just so confused on what's going on.
Speaker B: That's fair. What do you think? I will grab the Rock. Okay. Look into it, and I just say, do you know who I am? You hear a voice respond, yes, I do know who you are. Wait. He can only say yes or no? But that wasn't the question. Well, he says he will answer yes or no or to the best of his ability, but he's also like, I don't know. He's kind of having fun with you guys. He wants us ask us some actual. He probably heard a little more. Rourke making one ask about the ham. The slicing question. And then when he's like, here's that, he's like, I want to answer that. I want to answer the slicing question. Come on, give it back to him. I shrug. I'm, like, gesturing towards the rock, like, yeah, it works. You got any good ideas, Maki? Good questions?
Speaker D: Yeah, we could ask who's got the cheapest booze in town. That's a good one.
Speaker B: Keto. Do you got any good ideas? Questions? How do we get out of here? You already told us that. Maybe the answers changed. I wonder if that would cost. That's a dumb question, Keto. Why would it change? He put us here with one condition. Get a million gold. And then he just changes. Maybe he felt bad. Maybe it's like, 200 now. Uh, maybe there's a flash sale. There's a flash sale. They only. If you can give me 200,000 gold, I'll let you out. Is there a sale coming up?
Speaker D: Well, he mentioned something about the different things we could use our gold for. Yeah, obviously we can buy stuff, but I don't know. I can't remember. Well, he said something about abilities, uh.
Speaker B: Or something increasing your abilities. And skills, something to that effect. Oh, like the potions?
Speaker D: Could be. Also, I'm wondering where these bodies even came from. Like, you think about were they here before, uh, or did he create them just for us?
Speaker B: Everyone within the pocket dimension just a clay. Humongous. Have we checked our underwear for our names yet?
Speaker D: Well, you know, I thought I felt some lumps when that guard was patting me down. Not in my underwear, just on my person. And I checked my person to see what kind of equipment I even have on me.
Speaker B: All right. Yeah, I'm going to check, uh, Rourke's going to check his body as well, to see if he can find anything with, like, a name tag on it. Okay. Yeah, actually.
Speaker C: Sure.
Speaker B: Well, we're in an alleyway, but yeah, first take off. You're not in an alleyway, but you could be if you want it. You are taking off my shirt, looking at the back of it. No, uh, names there. I'm looking through my. Sure, sure.
Speaker D: Maki's looking for any sort of wallet or ID or anything, like.
Speaker B: Mean. You have your character sheet in front of you. And to be fair, this is the first time that you've kind of had your bearings to some extent and had the time to sort of check over yourself since you guys got here. I mean, do you want to tell us a little bit about what kind of stuff, um, your new body has equipped on it?
Speaker D: Uh, yes. So Maki, he's wearing like, a sort of greenish robe, a dark greenish robe, and he's got, like, the standard daggered dagger on his hip, on his belt. He finds that there's like a crossbow that's been slung on his back this whole time. He's got the standard equipment like the ammunition. And he had those ink and paper that he pulled out before he goes through some side pockets and finds he has some thieves tools. He has another dagger hidden away somewhere. Um, he has, like, traps. He's like, whoa, what are these for? Like, hunting traps?
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker D: Um, then he finds some trinkets, a monocle, some, uh, sort of white tile, a raven button.
Speaker B: I think it's like a brooch almost. And it's kind of got like a.
Speaker D: Raven, uh, character attached to his robe.
Speaker B: Yeah. What I'll say is you find a faded badge of some kind. It's made of a bronze material. It has what looks like a gem in it. But as you tap it, um, it's not hard to tell that it's actually just a glass thing. And on the back of it, it says the character name that you have on your character sheet.
Speaker D: Wow, look at this. I got some sort of badge here. I rub off. There's a little dirt on the name. I rub it off. It's like Quill Smith.
Speaker B: Quill Smith.
Speaker D: Wait. I mean, this body has a name, huh?
Speaker B: Hey, Keto Daz, check your body. See if you've got any name tags or something on you. I'll start patting myself down. Yeah. And as you do, uh, you do find a very similar looking little badge, same material. It has the glass. Uh, the only difference is, uh, so Maki has the glass, sort of fake faux gemstone or whatever. Inside of it is green, whereas, Dez, yours is red. M. But, uh, it does have a name on it as well. If you wanted to share that, that's up to you. I physically cannot share that information. Oh, yeAh.
Speaker C: That's true.
Speaker B: I don't have a button for that one. That's right. All right. Fair enough. He could show us. Yeah, he could show you. Yeah. I'll take a look at his name badge. Or. What is it? Fog the badge. Yeah, with the. And then just show it, all of you. Like a toddler holding up a. Yep.
Speaker D: Oh, hey, you got one.
Speaker B: Say, you'll have hearsay. Uh. Holy cow, that's a long one.
Speaker D: No, Rourke, you can't read it.
Speaker B: Wingbert. Feather bottom. Wingbert. Feather bottom. His name's got Feather bottom in it. Keto, are you checking your person? I will look at my badge and try pronounce it. Ichtheoglycer. Uh, skin. I can't pronounce that. You can just call me Theo. That was honestly pretty good, actually. That was pretty spot on, as much as I feel. All right, so you've got one. Yours is a, uh. Which colors? I said yours was green. Green. Red. Yours is red. Yours is a yellow.
Speaker C: Uh. Are we the Power Rangers? Yeah.
Speaker B: Megazord. I have one. Yes, you do. Rourick. You also find one on your person, of course, a badge. Um, and it also has a name on it. I don't know if any of the rest of you are looking through your equipment, per se, like what you carry on your person. It's totally up to you, if you want. What color is it? Uh, it is a pale blue color is your stone or faux stone that's inside of it. And it's got my name on it? Yes. Oh, it says here my name's Fizzle Fingers. Fizzle fingers. I also got one of these, and I pull out a loot that was on my back this whole time.
Speaker D: Oh, hey.
Speaker B: So apparently the past me used to play one of these bad boys. Cool.
Speaker D: Can you play anything now?
Speaker B: I'll try. Do a performance check. I'm going to wiggle my fingers above the loop. And, uh, then I rolled a 19 for performance. Wow. Sure enough, you start to play a very smooth melody off of your, uh, off your loot. And while I do, like, little shocks of lightning go shooting up and down the chords of the strings as I'm playing, it's like a little lightning as my fingers play all the strings? Yes, absolutely. And as you do this, um, just a couple of people stop by, hopefully my Shirt, and they seem still on. I think your shirt is still off. Well, that by itself is fine. It's a little bit more acceptable. And, uh, a couple of people stop by, and they, uh, cheer a little bit, they clap a little bit as you play, and you receive, uh, six coins as they toss them your way. Yeah.
Speaker D: Give it up for the naked goblin, folks.
Speaker B: Oh, yeah, the Naked goblin. The names Fizzle fingers. Nice shred one. His lightning just shoots out. Oh, right on.
Speaker D: Wait. What was coming out of your fingers there?
Speaker B: I don't know. As the crowd dissipates. Yeah, they eventually. They're like, oh, I don't know. See, that's what I've been noticing. Have you guys noticed that I kind of shock a lot of people when I touch them?
Speaker C: Um, yeah.
Speaker D: I thought your thing was ice.
Speaker B: That was my old thing. I guess my new body's got, like, electrical powers. Cool. I still have powers. Nice. I. Can I start, like, flexing my hands together, see if, like, lightning starts forming. It looks like one of those. It's, uh, not really one of those orbs or whatever that you like. I don't know. That's, like, a sciency thing where there's the electricity that's, uh, shooting through it, and you touch it, and a little beam of electricity will come to your fingers. Except it's very weak. It is not working. Well, Fatty Tompkins is losing his mind over there, trying to think of the.
Speaker D: Powers, too.
Speaker B: Well, mine are different. I never could do this before. Also, here's a really important question. Should we be going by our new names?
Speaker D: I don't know.
Speaker B: Uh, you said no.
Speaker D: Okay, that's fair.
Speaker B: But would other people know us as these names? Have you ever heard of a goblin named Fizzle Fingers? Feather?
Speaker C: I'm sorry, I haven't.
Speaker B: How about cobalt? Uh, named Theo?
Speaker C: No.
Speaker B: Or a couple Kenkus named Quill?
Speaker D: And what about.
Speaker B: What do you make, Feather Maker?
Speaker D: And I show my badge?
Speaker B: Um, Feather, you do kind of recognize something similar. Um, you've seen people go into certain districts of this city, specifically the Wakandale District or the Asgardia District. Um, they had badges that sort of. Kind of resemble these. Um, they're sort of like ID badges that allow you access into certain places. For instance, if you had a job in the Wakandale district, at one of the factories there, this would be the badge that you'd have in order to get you into that factory for your shifts and things like that. Um, higher ups will have access to different places, which is magically installed on these IDs. Um, but these ones that they all hold look like very early versions.
Speaker C: They look like, uh, these early versions of badges that were used to get around town. I don't know much about them. I know the technology has come a long way since then, though, but they still might work.
Speaker B: Do you have one?
Speaker C: No, I don't. Um, but I also wanted to tell you guys, I've decided to join up with you guys, and let's go slice some slicers.
Speaker D: Whoa.
Speaker B: Hey. All right, well, this guy's coming along.
Speaker D: Mock you. Pass him on the back.
Speaker B: So we're not slicing ham?
Speaker C: No, we're slicing pizza.
Speaker D: See, I knew this guy, didn't we? Didn't need a formal interview. I saw the potential.
Speaker B: You wrote one up and everything. No, I didn't.
Speaker D: Those are just icebreaker questions.
Speaker C: Did you guys talk, uh, to the slicer off while I was gone?
Speaker B: Yeah. Guys kind of shrugs like M kind of. What are we doing jumping people when 630, is it going to be dark at 630? I don't know.
Speaker D: Going to be dark, but not quite. That happens later.
Speaker B: We just got here. We haven't even experienced nighttime here yet. Actually.
Speaker D: He kind of said that he goes into Slicer's voice and says, it'll be kind of dark, but not quite yet. That'll happen later. And a mimicry of his voice.
Speaker B: What he said.
Speaker C: Interesting. All right, I'm, uh, uh, down.
Speaker B: Let's do it. Speaking of Slicer, did I ever give back the Morning Star he tried to hit him with? Asked for it. Yeah, but did he take it back? I think he would have. Get it back. Sure. Um, is there anything you guys, at this point, would like to do in the meantime, before 630? Yeah, we still have our question. We just throw it to the side and walk off again. Uh, I'm kind of curious. If that beam of light follows it. It doesn't seem to. Beam of light going across the sky. Do you actually throw it? Yes. Okay, so you throw it, and there's no beam of light until it hits the ground. And then once it hits the ground, it goes, and this beam of light illuminates it. You get the sense that, uh, Jar Jim really wants you to keep this around. He really wants us to ask a question. So we should ask about those abilities you talked about. Do you remember what he said? You can mimic.
Speaker D: What did it say.
Speaker B: About the abilities? He said that you could spend, uh, gold directly to him in order to increase your skills and abilities, which outside of the game, Skyler says means, uh, you would essentially pay to level up.
Speaker D: All right, well, let's ask him. Maybe we ask him how much gold it takes to increase our abilities.
Speaker B: What do you guys think? Does that sound good? That sounds fair to me.
Speaker D: Does it have to be? How do we have to phrase our questions? That wasn't the question.
Speaker C: Didn't he already ask a question? He asked who he was.
Speaker B: Wow.
Speaker D: I don't know if that counted.
Speaker B: One way to find out. Ask another question. I guess I'm still voting. What kind of meats? The slicer slices. And you thought, uh, my question was dumb? Hey, you know, keto never changes that.
Speaker D: I wonder if his father was a butcher.
Speaker B: Maybe mine was a candlestick maker.
Speaker D: Mine died or left me in a monastery. I don't know.
Speaker B: Explains the drinking.
Speaker D: Hey, you might be right.
Speaker B: Uh, uh.
Speaker E: Hey, uh, everyone, Skyler here. Are you a fan of session Zero Heroes and the shows we produce or the characters involved? Then you should check out our epic merch we have available online, from shirts to stickers and everything in between. We've worked hard on creating a variety of designs and made sure to get your favorite characters on those products as well. Whether you're looking for broccoli on a hoodie to wear to the gym with you, or maybe fizzle fingers tote bag to stuff your ill gotten gains in, we've got you covered. Just head over to our website@Sessionseroheroes.com, and click on our Merch tab to see all the amazing products and designs that you can get. Now back to the show.
Speaker B: Uh, ask the question, Maki.
Speaker D: Uh, Jar Jim, how much gold do we need to increase these abilities?
Speaker B: We, um. You go silent for a moment, but then quickly, you hear little tone. Go, we're sorry, but you've already asked your question for the day. And then all of a sudden you hear, I hate that stupid message. All right, you guys have already technically used the question for the day when he asked if I knew who he was. Yeah, I know who you are. Of course I know who you are. I sent you here, all right? But I'm going to give you that one as a freebie. And also, I don't know, I'm a little annoyed that you guys kind of just, like, left the stone I gave you. That was kind of a rude move, guys, but. All right, I'm here. Okay. Question, uh, was it Maki? You want to know, uh, how much it costs for you to increase your skills and abilities? Well, so what's that mean? Well, can we just pair those questions together? Yeah, that's fine. So we know what we're spending our money on. Okay. All right, so you remember how when your, uh, other lives and your other bodies, you were capable of doing all kinds of crazy stuff? You could cast crazy magic. You could cast. Oh, yeah, you're hearing all of this. Feather McGregor, you could, uh, uh, fight a lot better. You were stronger.
Speaker D: Open a shark.
Speaker B: Yeah. You killed sharks. You threw me into a lake, uh, eating stingrays in it. You're really dwelling on this one point. It's really hard to forget it, whatever the case. All right, so basically what this would allow you to do is get closer to being able to do that kind of stuff. Now, here's the catch. You guys are in different bodies with different skill sets, right? So you're going to get different skills and abilities based on those bodies, but they'll be stronger than what you got currently, right? So just use your old bodies as an example, right? When you were younger and you were like, I can only do so much. I can only attack one time on my turn.
Speaker C: Uh.
Speaker B: Very meta. I can only deal so much damage. I can only cast a couple of level one spells, and then I just got to do can trips the rest of the time. You know what I'm talking about? Whatever the case, with the level. Sorry. The, uh, increase in skills and abilities, uh, you'll be able to do all kinds of that, kind of more towards where you were at before I threw you in here into new bodies and such. What about Feather? Uh, well, is he going to be. I mean, I'm assuming he's your chosen NPC based on the fact that he touched the stone.
Speaker C: NPC?
Speaker B: Sorry? For the non playable character, M. He said MVP, most valuable MVC. Most valuable character. Uh, that's a question. Well, I'm going to get to that in a moment. Is he your chosen one? Well, timber Slicer, I'm leaning. You tell me now.
Speaker D: Come on. He's my new hire.
Speaker B: Oh, you hired him. He's working for nothing, right?
Speaker D: What I don't think that's the deal.
Speaker B: Look, do you want the sauce, or do you want the slicer? I know where I'm voting.
Speaker D: I offered you 30 gold, and then due to my tough, uh, negotiation skills, you counter offered with zero gold and said you'd work for free for a few days.
Speaker C: I just help you guys out. I'm just here to help you guys out.
Speaker B: Who is this guy? What is going on? Jar Jim, you want to introduce yourself? I would love to, but I have to know if he's the guy you're choosing. Uh, what do you think, Keto? We haven't found anyone better. I disagree with that. What do you. What you got?
Speaker D: The slicer we got.
Speaker B: Which one's better?
Speaker D: The apple cut guy.
Speaker B: Do you think Feather should be our NPC?
Speaker D: That guard was a little too touchy feeling for me.
Speaker B: Two votes. That's three votes. Oh, I guess I'm outnumbered.
Speaker D: That potion lady.
Speaker B: What about that one Canadian God. He said he was too handsy.
Speaker D: I like the way he touched me.
Speaker C: I have no idea what's going on, but I'm really offended he's not choosing me, and I don't even know what I'm getting choose.
Speaker B: That's true. Do you want to be MPC?
Speaker C: The MVP?
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker D: If you want it, I could interview. I mean, ask these icebreaker questions.
Speaker B: Ask an icebreaker. You hear Jim Jar say, oh, this is going to be fantastic.
Speaker C: Uh, uh.
Speaker B: If you can ace this icebreaker question, you're in.
Speaker D: All right, so let's say you're traveling down busy, uh, cart path, and you come across an old lady tied up in the middle of the road and branching off to the right, there's a bunch of children.
Speaker B: Pull the lever.
Speaker D: Now, there's a barrel on the side of the road. You can block off one road, and also, the barrel is full of beer.
Speaker B: That's a waste of a barrel.
Speaker D: There's a money. Ah. Wagon headed full steam ahead with eight horses pulling it, and there's bandits behind it. Very standard scenario you might find yourself in. What do you do?
Speaker B: I remember that day well. You take the barrel, and you're waving. Oh, that's what Maki did.
Speaker C: You take the barrel. Uh.
Speaker D: What did I tell you?
Speaker C: You just take the barrel.
Speaker D: Opportunity arises. Free keg of beer. You take the free keg of beer.
Speaker B: And then you wait like we did on the side of the road for the money cart to topple over and then take some of the money with the bandits. It's a little anticlimactic, but, uh, it was fairly entertaining to hear that little interaction. Okay, Jar Jim.
Speaker D: I didn't realize he was part of the icebreaker.
Speaker B: Well, I was just listening. Do you have an icebreaker, Jar Jim? Wait, that's him. No, you just tell me if you want him, and I'll give him the rundown. Are we all in consensus? Are we all in agreement, Maki?
Speaker D: Hell, yeah.
Speaker B: All right. Keto? Aye, Des. Yeah. Well, all right. That's everybody. Okay. Hello, Feather McGregor. My name is Jar Jim. I control your world. I'm nodding. I am, uh, the God that created your world and everyone in it and everything in it on a.
Speaker D: Bet.
Speaker B: That's not necessarily what happened. Well, you wanted me to be honest, and I said that if you ask me questions, the bet was if you could swim back. It was not to build a world, actually. But I'm doing this for him. This was already in the works. I was going to tell whoever you picked the kind of rundown and kind of grant them some of the same access to things that you guys were going to have, which means, uh, feather McGregor, that, uH, you are now part of their task of making a million goals. Now, here's the thing. Uh, there's nothing that is necessarily bad that's going to happen to anybody who doesn't finish the goal. Uh, but there's definitely nothing bad that's going to happen to you. You will just simply. If it's not accomplished, uh, whatever happens to them is pretty irrelevant to you. Uh, they'll disappear, and you won't have to deal with them anymore. Uh, but you will forget everything that happened that relates to them and me and the goal. So just putting that one out there, okay, you'll go back to your noble life. I, uh, won't disclose what that is, as much as I know about what that is. You're afraid to help these guys with their goal, and, uh, you will also, uh, be rewarded, as they will if they succeed. You get kind of a nice deal out of it, honestly. No consequences if you fail. I mean, it's great.
Speaker C: What's the reward for me?
Speaker B: Uh, well, I'll tell you what.
Speaker C: Meaning. So you basically say my life is meaningless currently, yes.
Speaker B: Says nods.
Speaker C: Absolutely.
Speaker B: Uh, you are a small being within a pocket dimension that literally sits inside my pocket. Hello. I'm yelling into my pocket right now. But I tell you what. It's up to you. You can take the proverbial red or blue pill at the end of all this. If you succeed in their goal, uh, if you want to, I can bring you out of that world. And into the real one, where these fellows exist.
Speaker C: I guess at this point, if life is meaningless and I really don't exist, I guess I got no reason to say no.
Speaker B: Well, I mean, I'm not trying to get metaphorical or anything like that, but I guess life is whatever meaning you attribute to it so you don't have to act all depressed.
Speaker C: Wow, this is a lot to lay on me.
Speaker B: That's fair. That's totally fair. All right, sounds good. Think of it this way. You met up with the main characters. It's going to get a little awkward for you because, well, uh, let you in on a little something. The other gods that people worship in this world of yours, they're not real. But, uh, take that as you Will. Hey, sometimes even a false religion can be something somebody needs for themselves to get through life that they don't realize is meaningless.
Speaker C: Um, there's a lot going on in.
Speaker B: My mind right now, but like I said, even if you don't help these guys succeed, your life will go on as if it never happened. You'll go back to what you do. You won't suffer for it. This pocket dimension, I just leave it in my pocket. I'm not going to destroy it if this doesn't work out. This thing's been in my pocket for quite a long time. I made that bet a long time ago, and I just didn't feel like dealing with it after I won, so I just left it there. So, I mean, nothing's going to happen to me. I'm not going to cause the apocalypse. You'll be safe and sound to live through the rest of your normal life, whatever that means. But if you succeed, you'll have a new option for a new life in a more substantial. He said. Ah. Well, uh, I was going to say an air quotes, but you wouldn't see that, so it doesn't matter. Um, substantial reality.
Speaker C: I'm in. Do it.
Speaker B: All right. Wonderful. Well, I mean, you don't have to tell me you're going to do it. Just do it. That is the most roundabout way of answering our question about how much gold it takes to level up our. Oh, yes, I can jump back.
Speaker C: Well, you guys are asking us. There's a lot to lay on. Yeah, I'm just going to go sit. There's like a stump over. I'm going to go sit and my whole life is meaningless. That's a good thing.
Speaker B: He hears the voice anyhow, all those sauces that you've.
Speaker C: All the sauces. All the people have killed McGriddle. McGriddle. I killed McGriddle.
Speaker B: Wait, what?
Speaker C: I'm just sitting there. I'm like. I'm mumbling to myself.
Speaker B: All the sauces. You say that?
Speaker C: All the sauces I've made, all the people I've killed. McGriddle. I just wander.
Speaker B: You're just sitting there. You just try to process all of it. Yeah. You're like in a hand over fetal position.
Speaker C: Almost the whole life is meaningless.
Speaker B: Sure.
Speaker C: All right. That's kind of what I'm doing right now.
Speaker D: How loud is mumbling?
Speaker B: Not loud enough to be heard over the. Just general traffic, uh, of Jar Jim. The area. Yeah. And Jar Jim talking. They're still waiting. Yes, well, I'm trying to get to that. If people would stop getting so emotional. Okay, so it's kind of a complicated series of things. Um, I'll tell you this. If you want to get to the next level, it's going to cost you 300 gold. Sorry, the next.
Speaker D: Yes, I'm m almost there.
Speaker B: I'm not. Actually, you know what? I think the best thing to do, since it is each of you, I'm going to cut it in half. Uh, I think that's the best way to handle that. That's very kind. So 150 each? So 150 per person. Since your goal is literally to get in gold in the span of the time, it makes more sense that. Yeah, so it's 150 level monkey. You can level up, uh, enhance your abilities. And he winks towards the sky.
Speaker D: Uh, yeah, I want to do that.
Speaker B: Oh, you want to do that right now?
Speaker D: Sure, why not?
Speaker B: All right, sounds good. Test it out. Trial run. You're our test Maki.
Speaker D: Do we have to do it at the same time or like, uh, no.
Speaker B: You can just do it if you want. If you're fine with that, that's fine with me. If you guys are fine, opinions. Do what you want. Where does he put the money? Uh, you just put it in a bag and you set it down. You, uh, put it on the stone, like exact, or just you'll take out 150. Either way, it works. Okay. I'm not going to take more. I'm a fair man. I keep my end of the bargains.
Speaker D: All right, so I take out a sack from my bag, and I put it, the gold on the stone.
Speaker B: All right? And as you sit there and, uh, the gold sits on the stone, you see the bag sort of shrink a little bit as the money is taken out, leaving you with whatever is left over after 150 gold, and you suddenly feel a sensation about you as you become lighter ever so slightly, you feel your muscles bulge a little bit. You feel your brain sort of absorb more information or feel more open to absorbing more information. Uh, a number of things just sort of change about you, and you start to sort of gain memories of various skills that you have, um, that you didn't realize that you had, um, skills.
Speaker D: I can fly.
Speaker B: I see a lighter. You jump in an ear and fall right back to the ground. That's not one of the skills, unfortunately, but you do level up to.
Speaker D: I don't think they can.
Speaker B: I don't think they can. It's like chickens. Okay, chickens. I saw chicken. Run. I saw chicken. You, um, are now level two. Um, feel free to level up with things. I, uh, included a sheet on the back that kind of outlines some of the stuff as you go, but otherwise, there's the normal things that, uh, level two gives you as the class that you're playing. So feel free to look those up. But some of it might just be the subclass information, which, of course, doesn't kick into level three. But I'm not entirely sure what all I put on there. But if you want to up those stats whenever you get a chance. He says, um, yeah, I mean, all things considered, whenever you guys want to level up, just let me know. It won't count as your question, can I level up? That's not going to be the question that I'm going to answer for you. I'll just do it right. It's a part of the world that I created here, so feel free to let me know if that's what you want to do. Uh, as long as you got the gold, I'm down to do it quick. Meta out of game. Uh, so if you guys look at the DNd five E experience chart that you need to level up, so the money that it costs to level up will correlate to half of the experience points that you need in order to level up. The reason I'm moving it to half is because your whole goal is to collect a million gold over the span of a series of time. And once you get to level five, you're looking at, like, five to six. You're looking at over 10,000 experience or gold. Uh, you would have to be spending, and that's really taking chunks out of your end goal here. And to some extent, that's kind of the point, but at the same time, I don't want to limit you guys so much. So, um, feel free to look over that list and, uh, kind of get an idea of what numbers you're going to need to want to get to and things along those lines. And then along the wAy, it's just going to be up to you to decide if you want to sacrifice some of the money that you're putting towards the end goal of the million gold pieces all at once in order to level up, because what you spend will not count towards your final goal. Okay. All right. Well, now that you're all got, uh, your information, you know how it all works. I'm going to head out. And by head out, it means I'm just going to be peeking in my pocket at you guys. And his voice fades away. Maki, where was that alley? What time is it? Um, it's probably around one to 02:00 in the afternoon. You guys have a little bit of time if there's anything that you want to do before you head over to meet up with the slicer.
Speaker D: Maki puts his hands together, all eight fingers, and it feels like there's a, uh, font of magic welling up inside me. I, uh, wonder if I can do anything like what Roric did. And he tries to create sparks in between his fingers, and he focuses really hard. Uh, and you should see a small shower of sparks as he cast prestige.
Speaker B: Hey, very nice. You can make someone poop themselves. Press the digitation on your pants.
Speaker D: On your pants. That's kind of neat. I wonder what else I can do. So if we just think into our memories, we remember what we do kind.
Speaker B: Of, to an extent. Yeah. You sort of have instinct. It's a lot of instinct. But you have a moment that sort of flashes into your brain, um, of remembering, using these skills before in this body. Like, you can kind of see your hands, and you see the feathered hands of Quill Smith, and you see him using these abilities throughout what seems to be whatever his life.
Speaker D: Right? I feel. I feel pretty good. Guys, it's been a couple hours since I had a drink.
Speaker B: What? We just drank, uh, I guess an hour ago. Okay. He's onto something. He's onto something. Did you just spend all your money?
Speaker D: I got some. About 80 gold left.
Speaker C: I'm just sitting in the corner still.
Speaker B: Just dealing with the reality of what you've just learned. I mean, you're willing to accept the fact, uh, I'm not trying to criticize what you're doing, but a rock talked to you, and you're like, all right.
Speaker C: A rock told me my whole life is meaningless, and I'm just in some guy's pocket.
Speaker D: Somebody needs to go console.
Speaker B: If someone.
Speaker C: Told you you weren't, you're right.
Speaker B: That, uh, would be a lot. I'll walk over to little sauce, uh, and I'll rest a, um, feathery hand on his shoulder. And it, um, just out of my mouth, he says, what a special friend you are.
Speaker C: Thanks, man. I really appreciate that.
Speaker B: Des nods, pats your shoulder once or twice.
Speaker C: Stand up. Yeah. Get the group together. I'd like to. Like to come clean if you guys got a second. Or do you even care?
Speaker D: What do you mean, come clean? Spill some sauce on your shirt?
Speaker C: No. I tell you about myself. If life itself is meaningless, and apparently you guys are from the real world.
Speaker D: Uh huh.
Speaker C: I like a shot at living in the real world. I need to come clean to you. Okay. Uh, I'm an undercover operative in this world, and, uh, I work Chalker.
Speaker B: What's so obvious about it? I'm confused. I don't know what an operative is.
Speaker C: Uh, I go.
Speaker B: Undercover. Nighttime sleep. Oh, he's a narc. Hey, wait a second. You know what we do with narcs up there? And he looks up, we turn him into ham slice.
Speaker C: Oh, man.
Speaker B: That's going to be the ongoing joke now you know what we do out in the real world.
Speaker C: I was a narc as of, like, 20 minutes ago, but, uh, I no longer want to go down this. The life is meaningless, and I want to live in the real world. And you might have overheard some things on my last undercover, uh, operation. Uh, to not blow our cover, I had to kill McGrew. He told me to do it. He said, tell, uh, his wife and kids he loved. Said I had to do it to keep the COVID They made me kill him. Uh, I killed my best.
Speaker D: Friend, sweet Susan. Good thing that wasn't real.
Speaker B: Am I, boy? Apparently it wasn't.
Speaker C: So I don't know how bad I feel about it, but I still feel pretty bad. But I'd like a chance in the real world. If it turns out that you guys are just joshing with me, then, um, I still haven't lost much.
Speaker B: Maybe there's a McGriddle up there in the sky looking down on You. Hope so. Maybe there's a place where the McGriddles flow like rivers. You know what's funny? Patties off of a grill. Patties off. You know what's funny is we weren't even in the real world when we got pulled down here. We were in what they call the Underdark, which is, like, under the real world. And now we're here, so we're like.
Speaker D: Two levels of hell at this.
Speaker C: Point.
Speaker B: Hopefully we don't make someone else manage, get sucked into a deeper pocket dimension.
Speaker C: I'm willing to use my skills.
Speaker B: What skills do you bring to the table? Because, well, one, I'm incredibly good looking. Keto is depressing. Uh, Des has got great jokes, and Maki's got his alcoholic addiction. What do you bring to this crew?
Speaker C: Uh, I'm really good at making sauce.
Speaker B: You're hired. Exactly what we do. Awesome. Uh, like I said, is there anything in particular that you guys can think of that you want to do until in the downtime, until around 630, when you're supposed to meet up with the slicer? Well, the only idea was more drinking. So I guess we're all right. Taking monkey to go drink some more, I guess. All right, so you guys head off. Uh, I don't know. Do you want to go to the same tavern or are you going to a different tavern? Uh, we go to the same tavern. I mean, you're literally standing right. You've been standing right outside of it this whole time. You go into this other tavern or, sorry, the same tavern. The drizzle fizzle. The drizzle of fizzle. The fizzle of drizzle. A drizzle of fizzle. Uh, there we go. You, uh, get a few drinks. Let's, uh, say three. Can I get a cup with a, uh, little cup? Empty cup. You're not going to take it, right? No, I'm going to set it down. She sets a cup on there. It's just like an old wooden cup. You want me to pause something in it? No, I'm going to just slowly inch towards the door. Are you taking that? No, I'm not. I'll be within, uh, earshot. And he just walks out, he sets his cup down and he pulls out his loop and he starts performing and kind of like kicking his cup towards people while you guys are drinking. He's just going to start performing, try and make some more money.
Speaker D: Imagine him kicking, nudging the cup from table to.
Speaker B: Table, getting right in their personal. I went outside, but sure, I'll walk around in the bar, too, just kicking my candle over the place. As Queen once said. She approaches you. Yeah, go ahead, 1414. All right. She approaches you and she says, well, you have to give the house half. I kick it outside. She's like, you have to at least pay me a gold for the cup. Okay. He's, ah, playing outside. You're waiting. You're like. And while he's outside, she'll hear him, like, in between songs, he'll be like, hey, don't forget, get your drinks inside and come back out for a great performance while he's Drumming up marketing as well so she doesn't get us mad at him.
Speaker C: You got a new cup, though.
Speaker B: And I got a new cup that I can use whenever I want because I paid for it. Apparently, uh, you get people to toss you about five gold, uh, guys, the million dollars, I can smell it already. Uh, you're feeling a little tired. You finally come inside after you got in your five gold, and, uh, you bring yourself up to the bar and she says, I tell you what, you did me a favor. You brought people in. You can keep the cup. I won't charge you for it. Giant fist bump, she says, but that's all you're getting from me. Next time, we're splitting the profits. What? Why? Well, you can play in here and you're bound to get more money because these people in here are drunk. Oh, that's a good point. They'll hear the music. They come in.
Speaker C: I don't know what you were talking.
Speaker B: About, but, yeah, sure, we'll find a way to get the music. We'll open the windows. That's what I was thinking. There you go. And then they'll come in dancing through the door.
Speaker C: How much money would I have saved up from the sauce business altogether?
Speaker B: Didn't I give you a job? You gave me.
Speaker C: Right. How much?
Speaker B: I have told at least 20.
Speaker C: I was pretty wealthy.
Speaker B: It is dry rub season.
Speaker C: It's dry rub season. But how much I have back at.
Speaker D: The house, you got to tighten your belt a little during dry.
Speaker B: Rub. As he stated before, nothing matters.
Speaker C: Yeah, it's true.
Speaker B: How much of McGriddle's money did you take with you?
Speaker D: 96 gold.
Speaker C: How much?
Speaker B: 96.
Speaker C: Ah, so 116 total.
Speaker B: Sure.
Speaker C: Yeah. All right. Uh, I decided I'm going to go back to my house. I assume it's not too far from.
Speaker B: It's not too far. No.
Speaker C: I'm just going to grab all my gold and bring it back, set it in the pile.
Speaker B: Might as well grab all your property, too, and just sell it. How many hours we got? Well, uh, you got maybe like three. I got to start with simple three.
Speaker C: Simple stuff that I've got in the house.
Speaker B: Uh, wrenches, man. Uh, yeah, you've got some. I mean, you have box of matches. You have your supplies for making sauce.
Speaker C: So much sauce. Supplies.
Speaker B: Oh, man. The whole trip. That's a great idea. What if that's just what we do? Let's just start flipping houses. It doesn't matter. We ruined the economy flipping.
Speaker C: Houses.
Speaker B: Start with the profits from his house. You see? Start flipping like crazy. You, uh, see the one known as Big Sauce? Whoa. He's been your competition for years. Or we could take him and he's got two cronies with him. Um, and he comes walking up to your booth and he says, what's all this?
Speaker C: I'm selling the sauce, but I'm getting out of the sauce business.
Speaker B: You're selling your sauce business? That's a phrase I've been waiting to hear for years. Yeah, he's been waiting to hear that phrase for years. He's wanted to buy your size business from you for years. Shut up, Theodore.
Speaker C: It's got to be worth the price.
Speaker B: Uh, what do you want? Wow.
Speaker C: 1 million.
Speaker B: Dry. I need it in a.
Speaker C: Week. The old, uh, dry rub. Tom, uh, he offered me 1000 gold for the business. He's going to turn it into a dry rub and saucer.
Speaker B: No dry rub, Tom. Shut up, Theodore. Don't make me say it again. Uh, all right. 1000 gold. That's a lot of money. It is for a little sauce. It's dry rub season.
Speaker C: It is dry rub season. For another.
Speaker B: Buying out your sauce, is it going to come with the.
Speaker C: Recipes? Recipes are 200 extra. Um, 1200 total.
Speaker B: No deal.
Speaker C: Just for you. Because I've always kind of liked you, big sauce.
Speaker B: Yeah, you did kind of like you big time. I looked up to.
Speaker C: You all the.
Speaker B: Sauce equipment and m the recipes. McGriddles recipes. Don't mention his name. Yeah, well, that's what it is. I know they ain't your recipes.
Speaker C: They're mine. He owned a burger restaurant. 750 for it.
Speaker B: All, man. All right, deal. You get the sauce recipes. You got them on you.
Speaker C: They're right in the shack.
Speaker B: All right. You've got it all in the shack. Let me see them.
Speaker C: Open up thing. Everything's there.
Speaker B: Recipes left that come with us. It's locked. So big thoughts? Could have just came over anytime. He just worked there. Okay.
Speaker C: Most people lock their businesses.
Speaker B: Theodore is literally, like, jumping up and down. He's like, mangriddle recipes right there. And big sauce is like, all right, deal.
Speaker C: 750.
Speaker B: He, like, holds out of his hands, and Theodore is like, oh, man. He starts reaching in his pockets and he's like, pulling out some little bags of coins. The other crony hasn't said a single thing. He's kind of like a burlier guy. He doesn't talk much. Um, but anyway, Theodore hands him a couple of bags of gold. He tossed them in front of you. He says, well, I don't know what you got planned or what's going on and why you're dropping the business, but, uh, good luck.
Speaker C: Appreciate that. Shake his hands.
Speaker B: You shake hands.
Speaker C: I leave and I say. I walk back, I pull down the little sauce of sauce sign and throw up.
Speaker B: Nine. You want to keep it? Okay. All right. You throw it. And he says, oh, that saves me some time. All right. And with that, you've got 750 gold pieces from your saw shop.
Speaker C: Is there somewhere that we're, like, keeping.
Speaker B: These all been housed? Uh, I mean, basically, you just have them on your person. I would say. Write it down, though. I mean, that's your 750 gold.
Speaker C: We're all average. 750 plus another 160.
Speaker B: That's a lot of gold. House flipping time, boys. Just 891, right?
Speaker C: Or no, man.
Speaker D: 750.
Speaker B: Missed opportunity.
Speaker D: Yeah, you're right.
Speaker B: Could have been where we kept all the money.
Speaker D: And then we could have said, there's always money in the.
Speaker B: Sauce.
Speaker C: Worst case, we could just keep it in. I want to come back to the group and be like, guys, show them the money. Okay.
Speaker B: Got 800. I'm going to motion to the cup.
Speaker C: It's going to the same place.
Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
Speaker D: Maki stumbles over a little intoxicated, and throws a.
Speaker B: Coin. The lady was right about awesome. And, uh, with that, you guys party, uh, for a little bit until, uh, you start to look outside, and it's starting to kind of hit dusk. It's getting a little late. Um, and you're looking around, you see a clock. There's an old grandfather clock that sits inside of this room. You see that it's inching towards 630. And with that, we're going to end things for this episode.
Speaker E: Thank you so much for listening to Criminals of Island Numis, a Dungeons and Dragons Fifth edition actual play podcast set in a homebrew world created by me, Skyler Gorset. If you've been enjoying our show so far, be sure to, like, follow and subscribe wherever it is that you're streaming from, whether that be Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or anywhere else that podcasts can be streamed. Or just check us out on our website, sessionseroheroes.com. Additionally, if you enjoy coin, you might enjoy some of Session Zero heroes, other shows such as our benders and Brews and Avatar Legends actual play, where we jump into the world of Avatar, the Last Airbender and Legend of Korra using the Avatar Legends system created by Magpie Games, or one of our various one shots, which we are currently coming out with, where we use a variety of games and TTRPG systems to tell a variety of fun, exciting, emotional and hilarious stories. Within our group, we have all sorts of other content that we highly recommend checking out within the SZH channel, and more to come in the future. To find out more about what we do at Session Zero Heroes, and to keep up with a lot of the other content we produce and be made aware of, uh, future projects, shows, and content. Be sure to follow us on social media, on Facebook, X, Instagram, and Discord. These are all great ways to get in contact with our team, as well as to keep up to date with everything that we're creating and working on. We'd love to see you there. In the meantime, thank you so much for listening, and don't forget to stay curious, stay heroic until we roll.