Session Zero Heroes - A TTRPG Actual Play Podcast
Speaker A: Saary Traveler, I'm not sure what strange magic must have brought you here, but you have stepped into a realm of my creation, a sprawling city filled with danger and glory and, most importantly, lots of gold.
Speaker B: Out.
Speaker A: I call it Isla Numus. Who am I, you might ask? The name is JarJim, and I'm the patron deity of gambling. Long story short, this group of idiots, or as you may call them, heroes, made a bet with me that they had what it took to make a mass trove of gold, but left some of the key details blank. So I fill them in myself. I send them to this pocket dimension, into the city I had created with brand new bodies they'd have to attune to. Can these fools pass my test? Or will they be trapped, uh, here forever? So, experience, um, my world of trials and tribulations and join alongside this posse of pitiful people. Or as I like to call them, the criminals of Isla Numus.
Speaker C: All right, everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Criminals of, uh, Numis.
Speaker B: Did I get it?
Speaker C: It's criminals, right?
Speaker B: Sure.
Speaker C: I'm pretty sure it is. Okay.
Speaker D: I thought we were heroes.
Speaker C: Hang on a second.
Speaker E: You're telling me just because we killed a few people, that makes us criminals?
Speaker C: Okay, you worked with a criminal to do the crime, but then you killed the criminal. What does that make you?
Speaker E: Uh, uh, that is a vigilante.
Speaker C: Yeah, that might be awesome. All right, cool. We're back again. Uh, there's been a couple of little changes. Some people have leveled up, so we're going to get into that here in a moment. Um, additionally, uh, probably addressing something that might have come up in the comment section. Yes, we understand a glave is a two handed weapon. Uh, and Keto decided to also grab a makeshift. Um, mean, it never really came into play, so as far as we were concerned, it was just strapped to his back. Um, you failed the one guy attacking you anyways, so, I mean, doesn't really matter. Um, but we understand it's two handed. Uh, we'll see where that takes things. So, whatever the case, uh, welcome back to another episode. Let's go around the table and do some introductions. Let's start with Dave.
Speaker D: Dave here playing Maki, a sorcerer, now discovering his powers and his new Kanku body.
Speaker C: That's right.
Speaker F: Awesome.
Speaker C: Um, found some interesting ways to use your powers last episode, which is exciting. Moving on, we got Quinn, aka Feather McGregor, aka Lil sauce.
Speaker G: Yes, sir.
Speaker C: Uh, not much going on right now.
Speaker G: We just brutally assassinated a few people.
Speaker C: Now, given your kind of siding with the law, uh, you not only just killed, know, participated in the killing of a very prestigious member of society, but also a criminal. What's the back and forth going on in Feather McGregor's mind right now?
Speaker G: At this point, he doesn't care. He's pretty much turned full on. He wants to get to the real world.
Speaker C: Okay, fair.
Speaker G: Uh, mean, his goal is this million dollars.
Speaker B: Sure.
Speaker C: All right, sounds good. Uh, moving on, we got Jackson, aka Dez.
Speaker E: Uh, this is Jackson playing Dez. Uh, once a Triton fighter, now a turned, um, Kanku Ranger.
Speaker C: That's right. Um, and you just leveled up. Yeah, I did.
Speaker E: Uh, level two. Gained two whole hit points, uh, to my maximum.
Speaker C: It's great. It's phenomenal.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker E: Uh, but now have cure wounds and hail of thorns.
Speaker H: Can you.
Speaker E: I forget what that spell is called.
Speaker C: I think you're right.
Speaker E: Yeah, hail of thorns.
Speaker B: Nice.
Speaker E: And taking, uh, the archery fighting style.
Speaker C: Yeah, you don't need all that HP. You're going to be arranged, guy. And you can heal yourself.
Speaker E: Yeah, whatever.
Speaker B: Awesome.
Speaker H: Or your friends.
Speaker C: Or your friends.
Speaker E: I'm myself mostly.
Speaker C: Yeah, it's a self.
Speaker E: I've got the least amount of health in this whole group.
Speaker C: There you go. Uh, you definitely point, uh, Fatty lumpens. Uh, you also just leveled up, so tell us a little bit about what, uh, uh, Keto is doing.
Speaker H: Yeah, this is fatty. I'm playing Keto, who is a Druid turned fighter in the body of a cobalt. Uh, showing off my level two prowess here, uh, which comes with second wind and action surge, as well as a few health points.
Speaker C: Right, which, uh, second wind you had before. We forgot to mention that, too. But again, not something that really came up, so it wasn't an issue. Um, last time was the first time you took damage, so that would have been the only time you would need to use second wind, and that was moments ago. Uh, but, yes, you also have action surge, which gives you an additional action. So if you are standing next to a dude and you're attacking him and you want to do an additional attack, that is an option.
Speaker B: Fantastic.
Speaker C: Um, awesome. That'll definitely be beneficial. And then finally, we've got Cameron with, uh, I keep wanting to say the goblin name that I gave you, even though it's kind of irrelevant, but Roric, he might play into it. Who knows?
Speaker B: Sure. Go for it.
Speaker C: Uh, you also just leveled up. Tell us a little bit about, uh, what's going on in that neck of the woods.
Speaker H: I gained eight HP.
Speaker C: Nice. That was it. That's it. The rogue will get there. The reason I say that is because as a rogue at level two, you gain cunning action. But a goblin comes base kit with cunning action. Essentially.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker H: So I gained AHP.
Speaker C: That was it, basically, you get a little bit extra. Oh, wait, an extra hit. Dice, short rest. Oh, don't, um, spoil me. That's the base. Awesome. All right, we will jump back into things. All right, welcome back to, uh, criminals of Isla numis. Last time, you guys had joined in with the mysterious figure known as the Slicer, who invited you along to his little job, which turned out to be a transaction involving some horse semen. Uh, you guys helped him through that transaction, helped him take out the guards, uh, semi accidentally killed the target of the theft, per se. Uh, somewhat intentionally, actually. Uh, whatever the case, he died, which upset the slicer quite a bit. Um, and you guys decided the best solution was to get rid of slicer entirely. All of the time. While that was happening, uh, our good buddy, uh, Maki was stealing the cart of, uh, the previously mentioned target, the, uh, Lord Pendleton, from Pendleton Stud Farms.
Speaker B: Uh.
Speaker C: Uh, Maki climbed atop this carriage, managed to sort of steal it for himself. You now have an unconscious driver, but, uh, otheRwise, the carriage is yours. And I believe you guys are all climbing inside of it. If I remember correctly, you guys have looted the bodies. You did your leveling up. Uh, you're climbing inside of this carriage. Um, Maki, I assume you're continuing to be the driver for this. Uh, yeah.
Speaker B: Awesome.
Speaker D: Uh, wait, guys. So that Pendleton guy, he was pretty loaded, wouldn't you say?
Speaker B: Ah.
Speaker D: He had all this money to throw away on horse semen, you say throw away? Wow.
Speaker C: Who said that? The driver. Charge him? No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker B: Uh.
Speaker D: What do you guys do with its body?
Speaker C: Currently, it is just laying there in the alleyway with an arrow sticking out of the side of it. But otherwise, aside from the sort of bloody spot that's building up in that spot where the arrow is protruding from, uh, he looks fairly intact. A little pale.
Speaker D: All right, the way I see it here is this driver here. When I first got into the carriage, he thought I was Lord Pendleton. I had him going for a bit. He was going to take me right home to this guy's house. So what if we let the driver wake up and he takes us back to Lord Pendleton's house and we see where we can go from there? Maybe we can let ourselves in, see what other kind of stuff he has around place.
Speaker G: I kind of had an idea. Uh, so tomorrow, there happens to be a, uh, sporting event going on. We could kind of push this back a little bit. We could head out there, maybe a couple of days. Sporting event going on with a pretty big purse. Pretty big purse. Lots, uh, of money online. If we could win, and, I mean, there's quite a few of us. I think we got a good shot if you guys are interested. It only happens once a year, and tomorrow is the day.
Speaker D: What event is that?
Speaker G: Well, I'm glad you asked. I've never actually participated myself, but, uh, seeing as I've got a new view on life, I wouldn't be opposed. Uh, the running of the Minotaur is tomorrow morning, and, uh, it's a community sport. Held annually. A group of minotaurs are captured and released upon a group of runners who attempt to outrun and survive the incoming wave of horns and anger. It's a dangerous sport that not many enter due the high mortality rate and likeliness of injuries. But the promised prizes are often quite valuable.
Speaker D: All I heard there was prizes. Really?
Speaker G: I mean, who knows what this guy's got at his house? We can rob him anytime, but we only got one shot at the running of the minute dog.
Speaker D: Well, the night is young. We got a strike while the iron is hot here. They're expecting this guy back, I presume sometime this evening.
Speaker G: As long as we get to the running of the Minotaurs, I'm down.
Speaker E: What time of day do we have.
Speaker C: Time to do both? Uh, is the Minotaur m thing tomorrow?
Speaker G: It's in the morning.
Speaker D: Oh, in the morning.
Speaker C: Just turned.
Speaker D: No sleep.
Speaker G: It was like 06:00.
Speaker C: You'Re heading into, like, 730 to 08:00 p.m., yeah, we.
Speaker B: Have time to do both.
Speaker C: Yeah, and even get a short.
Speaker B: Got, uh, time.
Speaker C: I've got time. When you've got time, you've got time. I've got time.
Speaker D: Mike says I've got time. And you see he's wearing the slicers sundial.
Speaker C: Rolex.
Speaker D: Sundial.
Speaker C: What am I? A sundial. Awesome. Okay. All right, so you guys climb into the, um. All I got to say is, uh, tried some of that semen. Don't know why it costs so much. Just got to say, yes. You did. Did you just dip my finger in and.
Speaker B: Oh, gosh.
Speaker C: Uh, the thing is, I was curious. I was listening to the talk earlier, and the guy said, how do we know to be sure it's the good stuff until.
Speaker G: Well, uh, I guess we'll have to.
Speaker C: Wait to find out. And I figured, why they have to wait? Why didn't they just try some right then?
Speaker G: There.
Speaker C: That's how you make sure it's the good stuff. And like I said, I don't think it's worth 1200 gold. That's my 1200 gold cents on this. So anyways, here's my idea. Uh, we go into horse breed. I realized there's a vacancy in the horse breed front. Slicer said something about he was one of the six horse breeders. Well now there's only five. And that means there's a whole open slot in the horse breeding front. So insert fizzle.
Speaker I: Fingers feline.
Speaker C: Wait. I don't know horse stuff. I'll have to practice. But all I'm saying is we create a business. Oh, there's a hole in the market.
Speaker D: Hey, didn't one of you guys find some uh, cement?
Speaker C: Yes, lots of it. And I think we could use it as a good starter.
Speaker D: Wait, there's more semen.
Speaker C: Yeah, under the bench here. There is not more.
Speaker B: That's just.
Speaker G: Half of.
Speaker H: My milk is delicious.
Speaker C: Oh gosh.
Speaker D: Some sort of tickets.
Speaker C: Do you guys need a reminder? Uh, I didn't pick up. I jotted it down. Okay.
Speaker E: Uh, I have the Reg Horse race invitation on my person.
Speaker C: And just to clarify, um, if Fizzlefingers, Roric whatever said it that way, that's fine. But just to let you know, uh, he's one of the six members of the Reg Horse racing committee. Not one of the six breeders. Although he is definitely one of the breeders. Giving that he had a Pendleton farm, stud farms or what have you. But just putting that out there. He's one of the members of the horse racing committee.
Speaker B: Um. Yeah.
Speaker G: We're not just going to be able.
Speaker C: To walk in and take over say the event is.
Speaker E: It didn't.
Speaker H: Not to my knowledge. There's not an event.
Speaker E: It's just an invitation.
Speaker C: It's an invitation to a reoccurring event. So you wonder. It happens semi regularly.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker C: Okay.
Speaker B: Weekly.
Speaker C: Uh, potentially weekly.
Speaker D: If he had this uh, big jar of semen, it probably has a Philly at home he was going to use it on.
Speaker E: Yeah, I don't like where this is going.
Speaker D: I'm just saying, if there's a horse race, this guy's probably got some horses.
Speaker C: Yeah.
Speaker D: Who's to say we don't just take those horses and enter them in the race ourselves?
Speaker C: Yeah, see, I like the way this guy thinks.
Speaker E: I don't got any buttons.
Speaker I: That conversation.
Speaker C: We rob the house and the uh, ponies.
Speaker D: Uh, who wants to go see what we can.
Speaker E: More profitable to sell said horses. If they were valuable race horses. Why gamble when you could just have.
Speaker B: Sure.
Speaker C: I don't care what we do with the horses. All I know is I need some water or something to get this taste out of my mouth. Oh, gosh, uh.
Speaker E: Salty.
Speaker C: Are you guys just sitting in the back of this? Yeah, we're waiting for this guy to wake up.
Speaker B: This way.
Speaker C: He does wake up, and you just hear salty. Where am I? And, uh, there's a moment of silence as he kind of looks around and takes his bearings, and he.
Speaker I: Yeah, I'm driving the car.
Speaker E: Uh, I'll nudge Maki to get him to go.
Speaker I: Oh, dear. Um, Mr. Pendleton, are you back? Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Pendleton. Oh, I just think I fell asleep. Um, I, uh, must have just dozed up. How long have you been waiting, Mr. Pendleton?
Speaker D: My stud farm next.
Speaker I: Oh, my. I'm so sorry. All right, horses, we better get all back home.
Speaker D: I was doing Maki's voice. This is supposed to be Maki remixing. M what Pendleton said before, to clarify.
Speaker C: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B: Um.
Speaker C: You'Re all kind of pushed back against the walls of this carriage as it lurches forward, heading off, uh, quickly down the road. You don't hear much from the driver as he's trying to focus on getting you home as quickly as possible. Feeling terrible, hoping he doesn't get fired at the end of this trip. Quickly, um, he rushes you home. It's maybe a ten minute horse drawn carriage ride before suddenly it comes to a stop.
Speaker I: All right, Mr.
Speaker C: Uh, Lord Pendleton, uh, you're home.
Speaker I: I got you home. Sir, I sincerely apologize. Please feel free to hop on out, and, uh, I'll go put the horses.
Speaker C: In the carriage away.
Speaker I: Unless you plan on going anywhere else tonight.
Speaker D: No.
Speaker I: All right. Again, I sincerely apologize, Mr. Pendleton. I truly apologize for this situation.
Speaker C: I, uh, assure you it'll never happen again. And, um, uh, you guys are sitting in there as he waits.
Speaker G: I'm gonna hop on, try and kill him.
Speaker C: Is this a real thing?
Speaker G: Yeah, I'm gonna hop on, kill him.
Speaker C: All right. Uh, I'll give you a surprise round, I guess.
Speaker G: All right.
Speaker E: How are we supposed to get to.
Speaker G: The with advantage, right?
Speaker C: Anywhere.
Speaker B: Anywhere.
Speaker G: Uh, I don't know.
Speaker E: Can you drive a carriage?
Speaker B: Twelve.
Speaker E: I might.
Speaker C: Twelve. He's not wearing any kind of armor or anything. So you're already here.
Speaker G: I can drive.
Speaker C: What are you using?
Speaker G: Firebolt.
Speaker C: Oh, okay. You can change the body, but you can't change the sailor.
Speaker G: Which one is this?
Speaker B: Eight. This is ten.
Speaker C: Let me drive the boat.
Speaker H: Let me drive the boat.
Speaker D: What's little sauce doing? Told him this guy has three kids.
Speaker G: Which one is which one's which hEre.
Speaker C: Scampering out, the zero is a ten. That's a D ten.
Speaker G: Uh, four damage plus.
Speaker C: Just as it, uh, you leap out, you shoot a firebolt at this strange man. It slams into his face. His beard, long beard, catches on fire. He's furiously clawing at the area in front of his face. It's hot. Can't see. Uh, the horses immediately panic. They rear back, having fired, been blasted right behind them, and they start to take off.
Speaker E: The rest of you, dive out of the cart.
Speaker B: Okay?
Speaker C: You dive out. Okay. Uh, it hasn't quite gotten up to speed, so I'm not going to make you do a check or anything. Uh, what are the rest of you doing? As this suddenly lurches forward and starts.
Speaker G: Shooting away, as he starts running away, uh, uh, what did the guy say? Is there anything I could take that he said just be like, I don't know, I could just yell. Because he's all worried about getting fired, right?
Speaker C: Well, I don't think he's worried about getting fired. Well, now he's worried about being literally fire.
Speaker G: Now he was on fire.
Speaker C: Did he say that, uh, his world's on fire?
Speaker E: How about yours?
Speaker G: Yeah, uh, I'll just let it go.
Speaker C: Start playing music.
Speaker G: Start playing the music open to.
Speaker C: I've got a limited amount of royalty free music that I can use again. YouTube funny. YouTuber funny. That is not how this works. If it's not commercially, how far away is this driver? Uh, he's outside the cart. He's like within 5ft, essentially, just outside the, you guys are inside the cart. He's just outside of it on the little seat. It's kind of like a, now here we go again.
Speaker D: Maki scrambles to the roof of the carrot, okay. Attempts to, uh, and he reaches for that power he felt before, and he says, 90 night.
Speaker C: Oh, gosh.
Speaker D: All right, he's going to try to make, oh, no, he's going to put.
Speaker C: All of us to sleep. No, I think it's your choice of creature.
Speaker D: Try to put the horses in the.
Speaker C: Driver'S control over this.
Speaker E: Hold your horses again.
Speaker C: Yeah, 90 night works. It's okay.
Speaker H: 90 night.
Speaker C: I was thinking, uh. All right, roll the amount of pins.
Speaker D: Um, he's not holding the horses. Otherwise you just grab the rain.
Speaker B: Not going as well.
Speaker C: 1819. Oh, goodness. Okay. One, um, of the horses falls asleep. The other one continues going. This causes a horrible turn in the cart, which causes it to start rolling. The driver is immediately thrown off. Uh, you don't see where he goes. Uh, you hear a. As he hits the ground, and that's the last thing you hear as far as he goes. Uh, the rest of you are inside the cart. I grab onto keto. Okay, you grab onto Keto, mind you, which is the first thing I did, actually, when the cart took off.
Speaker H: I hope, uh, you wash your hands after that jar.
Speaker C: Uh, yeah, about the jar. It was open as the cart. Just two people inside. There's only two people inside. You take two damage. Uh, bludgeoning, if that matters. Um, what have I done? As semen goes flying everywhere inside of.
Speaker E: The cabin of this carriage, you open the door.
Speaker C: It's like cobwebs of just dripping. Murphy and Johnny saving throw as you are on top of the cart as it.
Speaker B: This guy died.
Speaker C: Did he, like, fly off and die? An added 20. You carefully dive onto the ground as, uh, the cart starts to roll. It goes flying over top of you upside down. Uh, a little bit of some strange viscous liquid drips out from one of the windows and falls next to you, but not onto you. Uh, you have no idea what that was, but it did catch your attention in the slow motion moment as this cart starts past you. Otherwise, it hits the ground, uh, wheels smashing. A chunk of the carriage itself is kind of pressed inwards. Um, the horse is probably dead. The other one wakes up instantly, taking damage, but also has been thrown itself and twisted. Um, it's a horrible, disturbing mess. You hear horses that are still. The horse that's still alive, making a horrible sound. Uh, the whole crash scene is just a disturbing mess. But sure enough, your two colleagues come crawling out of the cabin covered in a very similar. Yeah. Drenched in a very strange viscous liquid that seems familiar.
Speaker E: Large jar.
Speaker C: I just want to state, I would have not, uh, thought of this had.
Speaker D: You not made the hoped you washed.
Speaker C: Your hands rEmark, made this easy mark made this scene so much better. How far away were they? They landed about.
Speaker G: I'm going to run over there. I'm going to look to finish off.
Speaker C: The guy, make sure he's dead.
Speaker B: Is he.
Speaker G: I'm going to lose body.
Speaker C: Does he have anything on him? Uh, he has a wallet, and inside of it, it's a picture of his wife. And he's got a thing that rolls out, and it's just pictures, family pictures of him with his kind of obscured right now.
Speaker G: Yeah, I'm going to take it. Take it out. Rip it up.
Speaker C: Tearing it.
Speaker G: Rip it up and throw it.
Speaker C: Oh, my word. This is what losing your reality insanity.
Speaker H: Does to a man.
Speaker C: Okay, I've gone through a lot.
Speaker G: You just found out your hole.
Speaker C: Yeah, I know. Your only way out is to get a million dollars. Yeah.
Speaker G: Do what it takes.
Speaker I: I'm not trying to tell you I.
Speaker C: Don'T think ransom God, but to be fair, this deity did say I created everything that's in this world. These are still people living lives just in a pocket world. As opposed to the outcome doesn't matter.
Speaker D: If you kill a man in a dream.
Speaker G: That's how I feel like this is just. He created this out of a bet. We're meaningless to this guy. We mean nothing to him.
Speaker C: Sure, whatever. I'm not here to argue.
Speaker G: I'm just saying he's going to do some dark things to get out of here. He's going to do some dark things to get out of here.
Speaker C: Oh, guys, uh, that would have. Now, down the road, you might calm.
Speaker G: It down a little bit. But this is still, what, 3 hours after you talked and found out that his life is meaningless?
Speaker E: I'm going to, uh, stealthfully go into the manor.
Speaker B: Okay. Yeah.
Speaker D: Did the carriage flip over completely?
Speaker C: A couple of times, yeah.
Speaker D: Is it, like, wreck?
Speaker C: I'm going to go crawling out. I'm going to be like, oh, wow. I would have thought I'd been a lot harder to get out of that wreckage, but I'm a lot flippier than normal. Nobody's crawling out and saying, I'm all right. The real cliche.
Speaker D: All right. Oh, brother. You guys are covered in some sort of. I could just clean that. That would be great. As Maki puts his hands up, uh, and almost expresses this desire and magic pours from his hands and he casts prestige cleans. A, uh, cubic square foot of your.
Speaker C: Just a cubic. It only does it. Bottom half of fizzle fingers.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker C: Body.
Speaker E: It's only a cubic foot.
Speaker B: That's crazy.
Speaker G: Well, uh, yeah, maybe I shouldn't have killed that guy, guys.
Speaker B: Um.
Speaker G: My bad.
Speaker B: Whoa.
Speaker D: How'd I do that?
Speaker C: Do that again.
Speaker D: Let me see how I did it. You repeat process.
Speaker I: It tickles.
Speaker H: Eddie.
Speaker D: Cleans you up.
Speaker B: Oh, wow.
Speaker C: Uh, Keto still in the wreckage upside down.
Speaker D: What are you doing?
Speaker H: Looking at myself in disgust and doing some walk of shame. And I think I'll probably culminate it by just putting this horse out of his mist.
Speaker C: Call it the walk of shame.
Speaker B: It's like a double on time.
Speaker I: Oh, no.
Speaker C: The fan art. We're going to get. What? No, I hope not. All right.
Speaker B: Awesome.
Speaker C: So you guys have all, uh, removed yourselves from the destroyed carriage. I assume, uh, Maki is going to use prestige digitation to, for the most part, clear off any of this from his friends.
Speaker H: Substance going to be salvageable.
Speaker C: I have the jar there. Maki Keto. A medicine check. A medicine check in relation to medical concepts.
Speaker H: I don't know what does that even fall?
Speaker C: It's one of the skills.
Speaker H: 16.
Speaker C: You know that this is not.
Speaker I: How much horse.
Speaker C: Explicit.
Speaker I: You can't say that.
Speaker D: How much horse semen ring out of my sweater.
Speaker C: I almost wish you had rolled low and that would have been like, man, this stuff is still good, though. But are you any left in the jar? No. That bad, huh? Well, I mean, you've introduced it to the elements and the air. It's not like, pressure sealed anymore. It's not? Well, this was put in pressure sealed. Yeah, it made like a. When you opened it, did it? Oh, yeah. Like, released carbon dioxide. It fizzed a little. I guess rock was too excited to get to the good stuff. I mean, he didn't notice. Uh, all right, I guess there's no.
Speaker H: Need to put that on ice anymore.
Speaker C: That's right. Uh, you guys are all outside the cart. You're outside of this very nice, lavish house. It's pretty darn close to a mansion, if not officially a mansion. I don't know what to cut off there. Manor, has anyone noticed?
Speaker E: Goes, like, shack house, everyone. Manor, mansion.
Speaker B: Got it. Okay.
Speaker C: This is a manor for sure. There, uh, are a number of stables that are out here. Uh, you hear various horses kind of scattered about within these stables that are around you. Um, but right now, you see the manor. Uh, you see a couple of lights on, maybe some lanterns that are lit on the inside. Nobody seems to have noticed the scene that's happening around you, the whole crash, the wreckage, et cetera, uh, which is probably for the best. There wasn't a huge amount of noise involved with it. Just maybe the crash when the cart kind of rolled and hit the ground. But, uh, other than that, that's where you guys are at. What would you like to do? Uh, take off.
Speaker E: I'm in the house.
Speaker C: You already went to the house?
Speaker E: Yeah, I said I'm stealthily going into said man.
Speaker C: Okay, well, then we'll jump to that. All right. Just ran off.
Speaker E: Everyone else just joins.
Speaker C: You approach the door, and you reach up to the handle, and sure enough, it's unlocked.
Speaker F: So you open it up, and inside.
Speaker C: Uh, the lights are on. You see a very lavish living room area. Um, you see to your right, there's a big grand piano. You, uh, see to your left and straight ahead, there are some hallways that seem to go deeper into the house, you notice there are very nice velvety curtains on all the windows. Um, there's a variety of furniture. They all have nice doilies on the cushions, on the armrests. Uh, things along those lines. Very nice house. Very classy.
Speaker E: Um, I would like to search the rooms. Stealth fulling.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker E: And if I can find anything that resembles, like, some wealthy man's quote unquote Den.
Speaker C: Den.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker E: Like an office type.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker C: Um, you creep throughout the house. You find a kitchen. Nobody's there. Um, you see an upstairs, which you hear what sounds like maybe a voice of a person upstairs. So you feel like if there is anybody in this house, which you assumed already based on the fact that the lights were on, they are probably upstairs. Uh, you continue to creep through. Uh, you find a back room. Uh, doors are locked. Um, but you wonder if maybe this might be the proverbial den that you were thinking of.
Speaker E: Can I pick the lock?
Speaker B: You can attempt.
Speaker C: Do you have lock picking tools?
Speaker B: Mmm. M.
Speaker E: No.
Speaker C: Okay.
Speaker E: Can't pick the lock.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker E: Can I break the lock?
Speaker C: You could attempt to, sure. Give me an athletics check.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker E: That is a ten.
Speaker C: That is a ten. Uh, you slam into the door. It does not break the door or the lock that is holding it shut. Um, you do hear, uh, the voice that's upstairs suddenly get quiet, and you start to hear footsteps starting to move towards the stairway. M Hide.
Speaker B: Hide.
Speaker C: Okay, uh, do me a stealth.
Speaker B: Uh.
Speaker E: What is that? A 1414.
Speaker B: Okay. Uh. Awesome.
Speaker C: You leap behind a piece of furniture, uh, quickly hiding yourself behind it. You hear a voice call from upstairs.
Speaker I: Pendleton. Pendleton, is that you? Are you home, dear?
Speaker E: No answer.
Speaker C: No response. I had to keep myself from saying.
Speaker I: Must have just been the clap of my ass cheek.
Speaker C: You can't say that on the radio. That's why we're not going to do.
Speaker B: Uh. Uh.
Speaker F: Hey, uh, everyone, Skyler here. Are you a fan of session zero heroes and the shows we produce or the characters involved? Then you should check out our epic merch we have available online, from shirts to stickers and everything in between. We've worked hard on creating a variety of designs and made sure to get your favorite characters on those products as well. Whether you're looking for broccoli on a hoodie to wear to the gym with you, or maybe fizzle fingers tote bag to stuff your ill gotten gains in, we've got you covered. Just head over to our website@sessionzeroheroes.com, and click on our merch tab to see all the amazing products and designs that you can get. Now back to the show.
Speaker C: After a couple of moments, uh.
Speaker B: You.
Speaker C: Once again hear the sound of footprints as whoever the woman is upstairs decides to walk away. Okay, ignore whatever it is that she thought she heard.
Speaker G: So are we, like, going up to the house?
Speaker C: Yeah, sure. By this point, you guys have all made it up to the house. Do you see the door is cracked open a little bit? If you.
Speaker E: I'm going to wave you guys over this way.
Speaker H: Uh, yeah, we can see him.
Speaker C: I thought he was hiding.
Speaker D: Scooby Doo, gang, creep over to where? Desert.
Speaker B: Okay. All right.
Speaker C: Did you clean off, um, Keto?
Speaker H: Yes.
Speaker C: Or is he just making a sticky sound?
Speaker H: Clean as a whistle.
Speaker D: And I cleaned off the jar.
Speaker B: And.
Speaker C: Then he went to the record. So you left the wreckage alone, though, so it's just covered on the inside. Wow, that's going to be interesting. Whoever's the first person to find that. What happened? Imagine you guys brought the dead body of Pendleton along with you. And in there, that people would find.
Speaker I: You like, oh, Lord. Pendleton. He's dead and he's covered in his own horse's semen. What could have possibly happened to this man?
Speaker C: Would they assume horses? Just saying.
Speaker E: Could you differentiate between the two? Is there a distinct visual?
Speaker C: Because I don't think there would be a new type of crazed psychopath running around this. You guys missed out on a great opportunity to cover your tracks. They would be so mind ass that they wouldn't even know how to piece that, ah, part together. Wow. Anyways, well, that didn't happen, so. Yeah, there's just a carry. There's a nearby flip driver. That's true. He might have summon. Who knows? Who knows what they're going to. That's for me to figure out, I guess. Thanks, guys. Whatever the case, you guys are inside the house. You are no longer covered in horse semen.
Speaker B: Um.
Speaker C: Oh, thank goodness you're creeping around. Uh, you find Des standing in front of a closed and locked door.
Speaker E: I'll do hands, uh, to get someone to open it.
Speaker G: I have thieves tools.
Speaker C: I do, too. We all pull out our thieves that have these tools. Who would like to attempt power of friendship and then add your sleight of hand?
Speaker E: It'd be done.
Speaker C: Uh, I have 14 1414. All right, sure enough, you put your thieves tools carefully into the lock and you fidget it around a little bit here and there, and then that's a skill. Momentarily you hear click, the door opens itself in front of you.
Speaker G: I really am restraining myself from playing my creepy music right now and just going on a murderous rampage. But.
Speaker H: All right, we may need to have an intervention.
Speaker C: Yeah, we may need to size something, open it up. And inside you find a sort of kind, uh, of a library themed man cave.
Speaker B: Perfect.
Speaker C: Uh, yeah, kind of a thing. Uh, in addition to a couple of shelves with books lining all of the different layers, uh, you see a very nice, ornate, uh, main desk with a chair behind it, obviously, where he keeps a lot of his personal things, um, as the man of the house. Additionally, you see a lot of horse themed decor spread across this room. Little statuettes, horse, um, busts, uh, anything.
Speaker G: Worth value, uh, as far as the.
Speaker C: Artwork goes and the decorations, you're unsure, but you assume it must be to some extent, because he's a fairly wealthy man. Obviously.
Speaker G: I sit there and think, man, I wish that Kurt, uh, wouldn't have gotten wrecked.
Speaker C: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker G: M that could have been not my fault.
Speaker E: I'm sure he's got another one.
Speaker C: Whatever the case, you guys are inside of this den. Now, this. This perverted. What kind of torture chamber is this?
Speaker D: Books.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker C: I've been one of these before. Worst day of my life. One day of school, one day of school. Never back again.
Speaker D: Maki looks around for any, uh, sort of decanter. Fine liqueurs.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker C: Oh, yeah, right there, right on the desk, you see a very beautiful glass decanter with three matching glass cups. Like, kind of. I, um, don't know what those are called. Those, like, small cups for alcohol. I'm not really somebody that drinks a lot, so I don't know, flask.
Speaker B: Crystal.
Speaker C: Yeah, like, Crystal. Where that would be a decanter. Yeah, but I'm saying, like, the cups themselves. Um, I think there's a word for them. But whatever the case, um, inside the decanter, you can see it's corked with a glass cork, uh, on top. And inside the decanter is a deep brown liquid.
Speaker D: What do we have here? Maki takes a little whiff.
Speaker C: It smells of a fine whiskey.
Speaker D: And he takes his.
Speaker G: Oh, no.
Speaker D: Water skin, assuming he has one. Oh, yeah. He pours that into the potted plant, and he fills it up with the good stufF.
Speaker C: All right. You now have a water skin full of very fine whiskey, as opposed to life giving water Matt Rourke asked for earlier, mind you, never got. Is, uh, there anything anyone else would like to do while you. I'm going through all the books looking for any with pictures in it. Uh, if they don't have pictures, I throw it on the ground and go to the next one. You do throw a few on the ground, but amidst the ones that you throw on the ground, you find very various ones, all with pictures of horses. I point and laugh at them as I do. Um, that. So I'm making two piles. Okay. Pile a. Boring.
Speaker H: Books without pictures.
Speaker C: Pile B. Funny. Books with pictures of horses. Yes. Now, you are actually surprised because pile B seems to be larger than pile A. This might be the best library Royce ever found. Hasn't been in many, but most of them don't have pictures. That's true. Keto, Des, feather, anything you guys are after inside of this den, I'd like.
Speaker E: To search, um, the drawers for either a key to a safe.
Speaker B: Sure.
Speaker E: Or, um, any kind of valuable esque.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker C: All right.
Speaker E: Likeness.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker C: Um, you find a couple of drawers. One of them has paperwork inside of it. Um, actually, probably two or three of them have paperwork inside of it. Just different kinds of paperwork. One of them, you open up and you see more of those little cards that are invitations to the horse races. Okay. Uh, there are six more inside of there.
Speaker E: I'll grab those.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker C: Um, one of them, you see a sort of identification, and it says, Vicount Cornelius Montague Pendleton Fitzgerald. Member, official member of the Royal Equestrians Guild.
Speaker G: What? Official memory.
Speaker C: Um, and then you find, uh, one of them has a little, ah, pouch with 100 gold pieces in it. Grabbed.
Speaker B: Awesome.
Speaker C: I figured, um, currently, that's the primary things that you find within these.
Speaker B: Uh.
Speaker E: Okay, so I grabbed the horse race invitations and his ID card.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker E: I imagine that could get us into.
Speaker G: Something potentially, uh, any of the paint. You said that there's paintings and stuff?
Speaker B: Worse.
Speaker C: Oh, man. There are some horse paintings in here, man.
Speaker G: So I want to grab one down and cut it out of the frame and roll it up like you're stealing it. Okay, so I'm assuming I need to roll to see if I cut it out. Well, um, how many pings would you.
Speaker C: Say there are probably in this room? There's probably six.
Speaker G: Obviously, I don't want to damage the ping, but I'm cutting them out of the frame.
Speaker C: Yeah, give me a roll. Uh, let's do sleight of hand.
Speaker G: Sleight of hand.
Speaker B: 13.
Speaker G: Uh, 13.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker C: Yeah, you do a pretty good job. Uh, let's say that you only mess up on one of them. You got five. Good quality, pretty, uh, confident in the paintings. They look good. Um, you don't recognize any of the painters? Like they have their little signatures in the bottom or something. Or maybe on the back of them. Once you cut them out, you don't recognize paintings what?
Speaker G: Is there anything hidden in the paintings behind them?
Speaker C: No. Um, something that you notice on, uh, any of the statues that he has decorating the room with the horses on them. Um, any of them that show like the full body of the horse? Uh, I want to emphasize that it shows the whole body. Uh, you can very much see the horse bits very prominent.
Speaker G: In the painting.
Speaker C: Not in the painting, the, uh, statues. Statues, yeah, any full bodied horse statues.
Speaker G: Just something I'm letting you guys know, very prominent.
Speaker C: Yeah, very prominent parts.
Speaker G: Pick up the statue. I'm looking at it. Okay, that's really kind of strange. It is quite nothing strange with the statue at all.
Speaker C: No, uh, I'm not trying to hint at anything. I didn't know if I needed a bunch, uh, of.
Speaker G: No, that's what you're alluding to or not.
Speaker C: Well, just emphasizing the fact that this is a stud farm and you can tell where his focus is as a business. As a business. To clarify, we have created quite the podcast here. It's very niche. Yeah. What are you up to? Yeah, you don't know? He's so traumatized. The things that you could join the statues surrounding you are not helping. I'm going to find an immaculately embroidered hand towel. Oh, yeah, wipe my hands up. Absolutely, yes, absoLutely, 100%. Very fair. As you guys are finishing up with all this stuff, uh, you start to hear footprints. Uh, footprints, steps.
Speaker B: Steps.
Speaker C: Uh, we're going crazy. People imprinting their foot into the ground up. You hear the sound of footsteps as they are making their way across the upper floor and towards what you saw as the stairwell. Somebody, uh, is moving in your direction. What do you do?
Speaker E: I'm going to close the door gently as if someone had meant to do it with. Just act normal.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker C: A normal door closed. Not like, but also not like, uh.
Speaker E: Yes, not like I'm trying to hide anything, but also not that I'm trying to rush.
Speaker C: Okay, sounds good. All right, you do that. Anybody else doing anything?
Speaker E: Nothing.
Speaker C: Laughing. Odd, but okay. No, I'm pointing at the pictures. Oh, that's true. Okay, have I finished? No, there's a lot of books. Keep going then.
Speaker D: All right, Maki goes over to the desk. He's, uh, going to grab some of the stationery, some just like paper and extra ink or quills or whatever it's going to hide, uh, behind the desk in case somebody walks in.
Speaker C: Okay, sounds good.
Speaker B: All right.
Speaker C: Uh, you hear the footprint. Steps, dang it. You hear the footprint, dang it. You hear the footsteps make their way down the stairs. Uh, and you hear a soft knock at the door, and you hear, Pendleton.
Speaker I: Pendleton, is that you? Are you home?
Speaker E: I'll nudge Maki.
Speaker C: This is wife using his last name.
Speaker D: Of course I have the semen.
Speaker I: Oh, I'm so glad that your business deal went well, honey. By chance, did you happen to wreck another horse carriage out in the front? Another one?
Speaker E: We got lucky with that.
Speaker D: Of course, the men.
Speaker I: I didn't catch that last part, but, uh, well, they are your characters, honey. I know you know best, so I'm going to leave you to it. I'm headed to bed here momentarily, but feel free to join me whenever you're ready.
Speaker D: Excellent.
Speaker C: You hear the footsteps. Walk away and head back upstairs. Um, you hear one last as she.
Speaker I: Calls back, I'm going to turn the lights off, but I'll leave the one on by the stairs.
Speaker D: Excellent.
Speaker C: All right, sounds good. And with that, you hear the footsteps kind of walk into the living room area, back and forth a little bit here and there. Um, you start to notice that the light outside of the den that you're in kind of start to dim as she blows out all the torches or, uh, sconces, et cetera.
Speaker E: It just has torches mounted on the.
Speaker C: Caved, um, around the room. And then you hear her footsteps go back upstairs as, uh, she makes her way back to the bedroom.
Speaker B: Perfect.
Speaker C: Uh, you guys are now left unattended.
Speaker E: Just everyone's going to bed.
Speaker C: Everybody's going to bed. It's dark in the rest of the house.
Speaker E: I'm just going to loot the house.
Speaker C: Yeah. All right, you guys make your way throughout the rest of the house. Uh, you do not find Keto, you do not find an armory. Uh, this guy did not seem like the type to keep weapons, per se. Um, I would say you find another 125 gold pieces, kind of here and there in different spots. Um, as far as valuables go, it's kind of hard to say. Like I said, there's some decorations and things that you feel like would be valuable, but it's just a matter of how are we going to get that?
Speaker E: How are you going to fence that?
Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. Um, I don't know any fences. Yeah, most of the ones don't even speak. Very fun. Whatever the case, this is the basic gist of what you find throughout the entire first floor of this, um, house. Okay. Is there any large sacks in this room? Find some in the kitchen. How large are we talking?
Speaker D: Flower sack?
Speaker C: Yeah.
Speaker B: Big. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker C: Big enough. It could hold a person. We're going to kidnap his flag. Hold a whole person?
Speaker H: I'm going to go look in the kitchen.
Speaker C: Uh, yeah, you find some flowers.
Speaker D: Is there, like, in the living room? Is there any artwork depicting the family or anything?
Speaker C: Uh, yes, there is a very large, ornate portrait just above the furnace or the fireplace. And it is Mr. Pendleton and his wife. They are both riding on a horse, a brilliant white horse together with the whole horse. Yes, I was just going to say the entire horse is depicted there.
Speaker D: I think it's just him and his wife here, guys.
Speaker E: Des nods in agreement.
Speaker D: So I think we should be good to take our time.
Speaker C: Again.
Speaker E: More nodding. Uh, I don't have a button for this conversation.
Speaker D: I'm going to go make a sandwich.
Speaker B: Fair enough.
Speaker C: You have all the time in the world to do so. Uh, you go into the, uh, kitchen area, and there is a sort of ice box, and you pop it open, hoping to find some interesting things. Um. Um, you find some horse cheese.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker D: Something else.
Speaker C: And you also find some head of meat.
Speaker D: Head of lettuce.
Speaker C: Well, other very normal.
Speaker D: I thought he was going to open the ice box and it was just going to be filled with piles.
Speaker C: Yes. You wonder if there might be another ice chest somewhere else in this either house or out in one of the, uh, stables where they would keep something like that. Entirely possible, though that would be a.
Speaker E: Good way to make money unironically so. Because if we go to this horse race and we go, like, behind the stables, and we're like, all right, gentlemen or ladies, whatever, I don't care. This big guy left all of these vials unattended, and now we're going to sell it to you.
Speaker H: M. And that dumped them all over a carriage.
Speaker C: That wasn't on purpose. Is there any other kind of overarching concept? I'm in the kitchen, okay. Alongside him. Yep.
Speaker H: And I'm just rustling through cupboards.
Speaker B: Sure.
Speaker C: And do I find a large sack?
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker C: As I said before, you find a couple of empty flower sacks, sick burlap or whatever they were made. Oh, I see. Uh, Maki open the fridge as I have a sack, and I just walk over to the fridge, as he's just holding it open, and I just grab the thing of cheese, throw it in the sack. I just start walking out there.
Speaker I: That's it. Just the cheese.
Speaker C: Okay, fair enough.
Speaker D: Maki wants to grab something. That would be good.
Speaker B: Ah.
Speaker D: Uh, some, like, hard meat, some jerky. I don't know, sausage. A link of the cartoony link of sausage.
Speaker C: Big old horse salami. Yeah, maybe not. You get the flashbacks to scene so far, and you kind of question yourself for a moment.
Speaker D: Uh, I guess he just puts, ah, that around his shoulder on whatever. He goes back to the entryway and Finds, like, a satchel or something.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker D: And he starts picking random, shiny knickknacks off of the shelves or whatever.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker C: I mean, is everybody kind of just looning? Uh, yeah, yeah, in general.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker H: Keto's gonna look for a basement or a.
Speaker B: Um.
Speaker C: Um, yeah, you definitely kind, uh, of hidden in the back of the stairwell. You find a doorway, like a little Harry Potter esque doorway, and you walk inside of it, and there's a stairwell that leads down into some sort of basement area. Uh, you head down there, I assume. Um, and that is exactly where you find the ice chest or the whole room. This is a thing. Very cold. The further down you go, the colder it gets. And sure enough, once you get to the bottom, it is freezing cold. And you find a, uh, terrified scream from Keto. These flashbacks.
Speaker I: Running on the sand. You stumble into the dark. Steven falls all over.
Speaker H: But that did not happen.
Speaker C: No, I have dark vision. Yes. Fantastic.
Speaker E: I thought so I could look at that.
Speaker B: Whatever.
Speaker C: Uh, the case.
Speaker B: Yes.
Speaker C: Uh, you find shelves of vials. Is there variety of semen?
Speaker H: Any sort of storage receptacle or container that one might transport this serum?
Speaker C: Any Bible receptacles, cans.
Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker C: Like I said, they're all in glass cylinders, kind of like the one that you had before. Uh, so, I mean, it's really just a matter of finding some kind of a bag or something where you could safely slide them in. Uh, you know that upstairs there were some flower bags. Uh, there was a couple of satchels scattered about. You could honestly pull a blanket off of the couch and just turn that into a makeshift bag. Totally up to you. It just depends on how much you want to take.
Speaker H: I'm going to whisper up the stairs. Hey, guys, I found the father load.
Speaker C: That is a term we are allowed to use. Also, I want to point out that on each of the shelves, you will see a painting of a horse that sort of suggests that these came from this horse. Uh, and additionally you will see kind of a, let's say, like, uh, a clipboard. And it has some various notes scribbled on them underneath each of the horse's paintings. So it says, like, lived this long or is currently living good health, or if it suffered any kind of health issues, that was something that they might take note of for like, oh, these semens might have that potential if we're.
Speaker B: Ah.
Speaker C: Uh, might, uh, have that potential to cause that whatever that health defect might have been, or whatever the case, or maybe there's positives, like this horse ran faster than all the others. So we're going to use this semen to try to breed more faster horses, so on and so forth.
Speaker H: In any case, I'm going to try loot as much as I can, just in general. Or try gather it all in a very secure manner, knowing that this probably holds more value than most of our other.
Speaker C: Just going to toss them all into one bag.
Speaker E: Are you going to keep them separate.
Speaker H: Including you, from this venture? Because I've already.
Speaker C: That's not what I was meaning. I would say that these would have to have labels on the specific vials and such themselves. Uh, it simply says a horse's name, a horse's type.
Speaker H: This is all on each file or label.
Speaker C: These are like the simplified labels on each file. Uh, and, like, their weight or size or something along those lines. I'm not super expert on horse stuff, um, but it would be the very necessary basic details of the horse. So, like, breed horse was a water type. A water type horse. Sorry, breed. I do find it funny, though. You're like, I'm not an expert on this kind of stuff, but you're just assuming that he has an underground farm of semen. Oh, yeah, absolutely. This seems like the way they do it in medieval times.
Speaker I: Actually.
Speaker C: I say that I'm not an expert on horses. As if I didn't come up with like a half dozen to eight different horse types and why they differ. And different stat blocks for each one. But yes, you are able to find some variation of, uh, probably load a couple into your backpack, which I think everybody should have. Um. Oh, yeah, there's the suitcase from the exchange. You're able to load some into there. Uh, that probably still does have some semen on the exterior of it, since it was part of the rollout. Uh, but that's okay as far as you're okay with it, I suppose. Uh, whatever the case, yes. You collect, let's, uh, say, a dozen different vials of, uh, horse semen.
Speaker H: This is going to be interesting equipment.
Speaker C: Yes. I have to sadly erase mine. I will kind of semi generate jar of what those are. It's gone.
Speaker D: It's gone.
Speaker C: It's all gone. How many episodes in a row are we going to title Horse semen? Oh, we're titling. Uh, I thought we was going to call it the father loan. I like that. That is true.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker C: What were you saying there?
Speaker H: I'm going to grab that clipboard of the cheat sheet of all their little, uh.
Speaker C: Okay, so you just kind of collect all the sheets. How many vials do you grab of each horse? Well, he got a total of a dozen. Twelve vials. Is that like twelve one per horse?
Speaker B: Sure. Yeah.
Speaker H: He has twelve horses.
Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
Speaker C: This guy's got lots of horses. Cool. He literally runs a stun form. Yeah.
Speaker B: Huh.
Speaker C: I suppose that's true.
Speaker D: M Maki goes down the stairs and looks for the horse named Smitty Weberman Jensen.
Speaker E: He was number.
Speaker D: He was number one.
Speaker C: No, but I don't know.
Speaker D: He does try to figure out if there's like a, ah, real winner. I don't know.
Speaker C: A real winner. Okay, absolutely. Uh, there is, um. There was a horse.
Speaker B: Oh, man.
Speaker C: I didn't come up with names for horses. You guys come up Matilda.
Speaker H: Sorry.
Speaker C: Blade Runner. Yeah. More horse at night names. Yes, there was a Jersey Mike's. Wait, uh, what was the name?
Speaker I: Come up with a name.
Speaker C: JJ.
Speaker H: German Pharaoh.
Speaker C: German Pharaoh.
Speaker H: Sea Cracker.
Speaker C: Okay, he's taking. No, German is German Pharaoh is Egyptian Pharaoh. Right.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker H: No, it's American Pharaoh and then Sea.
Speaker C: Biscuit, but he's in sea cracker. He's just taking famous horse names. Okay, well, I just need one.
Speaker E: Somebody just picked one, uh, one horse named Knife.
Speaker C: His name is Knife.
Speaker B: Knife.
Speaker C: Okay, Mr. Ghoul. A horse. His name was Knife.
Speaker B: Um.
Speaker C: He was a good horse. Uh, the breed of horse was a. Yes. Wouldn't hurt a soul kind, which is a great horse. Back in the medieval times, I believe. And yes, uh, it was called a taki.
Speaker D: Taki?
Speaker C: Taki with a K. Yeah, the shine gun. Dang it. No, his front legs go backwards and his back legs or whatever. He's really fat. No, but he was definitely a fine specimen of step horse. He was quite the trotter. Yeah, I love my kids. I'm a good step horse. No, I married into type of horse.
Speaker B: Um.
Speaker C: Whatever the case, his charts show that he performed very well. Um, so, yes, his stands out to you.
Speaker D: I'll, ah, fill my satchel up with a bunch of his violence.
Speaker C: Explicitly. Okay, sounds good. We could say splooge. We can use that term.
Speaker D: His flubber.
Speaker C: His flubber. That's probably copyright. Uh, now, you can't copyright a word. Make it up.
Speaker B: You can.
Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. All right. Um, awesome. So, yes, this is where you're at. Uh, now that you've got full bags. Full sacks of semen. Um, uh, you're feeling quite weighted down. I won't say you're fully encumbered, but you're pretty darn close. So we should work our way out finding.
Speaker G: I don't want to lose all this stuff we could use.
Speaker C: Why don't you go look for carriage?
Speaker G: Well, why don't we all go look for a carriage?
Speaker E: Probably because you, um, destroyed the last.
Speaker C: Yeah, I'm busy. Are you still sorting through book? Yes. You got some food out of the kitchen, and I'm eating it in one hand. And looking at book. I was going to say, you've got cheese. You're just eating the cheese.
Speaker B: Okay. All right.
Speaker C: What else would I do with it? Well, you made a whole thing about putting it in a bag. You took it right over to the room, and then you started eating it, pulled it out of the bag.
Speaker B: Just.
Speaker C: Dragging it along the ground. It was a really heavy cheese. Well, the sack's sitting there.
Speaker B: It's got.
Speaker C: No, I understand.
Speaker B: Okay. All right. Sounds good. All right.
Speaker C: So, feather, you're headed out to find a new carriage.
Speaker B: Um. Okay.
Speaker C: Yep. You head out. Uh, you look around the farm. It's a bit dark. Are you taking. I mean, I know you guys all claimed you had dark vision, but technically.
Speaker E: As Cancu's, we only have low light vision. Okay, so there needs to be some light.
Speaker B: Right? Okay.
Speaker C: I was going to say, I think yours is class based.
Speaker D: My subclass gives me it dark vision.
Speaker C: Okay, so, feather, it's quite dark outside. Um, your light vision isn't quite covering the dark of.
Speaker G: Can I see a barn or anything nearby?
Speaker C: You can vaguely make out the shape of a barn, but that's how dark.
Speaker D: Side of the barn.
Speaker C: Yeah, you see the broad side, but that's the only side you see.
Speaker G: We'll work our way over.
Speaker C: Well, I'm saying it's, like, pitch black. I mean, even if you get there, it's still going to be pretty darn dark.
Speaker B: Interesting.
Speaker C: There's no, like, torches over there?
Speaker G: I can see the house, right? Yeah, I just walked back to the house. Can I find one? I can't see.
Speaker C: Guys, there's the sconce. One of those torches? Yeah. Okay, I think you probably have, too, in your adventuring. Okay, so there's sconces on the wall, but you have torches. I don't think I do. I think it's in your adventuring gear.
Speaker E: I definitely have a tinder box.
Speaker C: We all have torches. And there's also the sconces.
Speaker G: Yeah.
Speaker E: You have ten sheets of paper.
Speaker G: I got some paper.
Speaker C: Piece of paper. I have a hooded lantern. Oh, do you need that? I got a lantern. All right. That would work. All right, go over and handcuff my lantern. All right, you light it using one of the still lit sconces that are over by the, uh, stairwell that Pendleton's wife had left on, and you head out. You make your way to the, uh, go. There's several stables. Like, several. Quite a few.
Speaker G: Let's go to the closest ones.
Speaker B: Right.
Speaker C: That's what I was going to get to. So each one that you go to, it's a lot of horses, but eventually you do find what looks like not a fancy, nice carriage, but what looks to be a cart for hauling hay around to the different stables.
Speaker G: Good enough. Okay, so I'm going to take that card. Are there any horses in that same.
Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
Speaker G: All right. Do I need to roll for, like, animal handling or something?
Speaker C: Yes, please, if you would.
Speaker G: 21.
Speaker B: 21. Holy cow.
Speaker C: Yeah, you. Absolutely. You approach one of the stables. There's a horse inside. Give me a name for that horse.
Speaker G: Dinkle beans.
Speaker C: Dinkle beans. Fantastic. All right. Dinkle beans, uh, is awake. Um, and you're able to coax him out of there. You find some hay laying nearby, uh, just out of his reach, and you use that to kind of coax him close. You touch his mane and his muzzle. You say, muzzle?
Speaker B: Is that a thing?
Speaker C: Okay. Uh, give him some pets. Give him some scratches. He seems to like you just fine. You lead him over to the cart. You get him all hooked up. It's ready to go. For the most part, um, it was just a matter of getting him attached to everything. And, uh, sure enough, he's pulling the cart. You're sitting on top of his back.
Speaker G: Hop out, open the doors, hop back in, and we'll take the cart up to the front of the house.
Speaker C: All right? Sounds good. So you pull up to the house. You got it? Ready to go. It's an open cart. Since it's just a cart, there's no roof over it or anything. But, uh, walking up, definitely.
Speaker G: I'll tie the reins to post on the house. Something going. Guys, I got a cart. We can get out of here. And I might have sold everything back at my place for the most part, but we can store all this stuff back at my place if you guys want.
Speaker E: Sold everything. Stockpiles, semen instead.
Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, I don't have any.
Speaker G: Furniture anymore, but we can store this at my place.
Speaker D: I just want to check one more thing. Uh, yeah. I want to see if the old lady's got any jewels.
Speaker C: Oh, gosh.
Speaker G: I'll go with you.
Speaker E: Is that a euphemism?
Speaker C: No.
Speaker G: So are we going to go up.
Speaker C: And, like, uh, this is something that I feel like this is something he was doing while you were getting the cart.
Speaker B: Okay? Yeah.
Speaker D: So monkey's going to go upstairs, uh, stealthily, all right?
Speaker C: You creep up the stairway, following the lights. As you do to the second floor. You find a long hallway with a variety of doors. One of them creeped open ever so slightly. Uh, the sconces up on this floor, uh, only cast light in a very small space as to not disturb those that sleep up here, which at the moment, you believe is only the one person. All ah, right.
Speaker D: I go to the room that she left the light on by or whatever.
Speaker C: She'll leave the light on for you. Roll, uh, a stealth with advanTage, since nobody really expects you.
Speaker D: Nine?
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker C: Okay, you're good. Uh, no stirring, no awaking or anything seems to happen. As you slowly creep towards it ever so slightly. The floor will creak a, uh, little bit, and you freeze every time it does, waiting to hear something. And nothing ever makes a sound. So you continue to creep closer and closer to this room until you're right at the door. You push it open ever so slightly and you can see fairly large bedroom, a couple of, uh, wardrobes, uh, some mirrors inside, um, a couple of desks that you could see that somebody might have, like, laid clothes out on. And then, of course, to, uh, the sort of back left side of this room. You see a large bed. And the blanket suggests a figure is sleeping amidst the sheets and the various linens on this bed.
Speaker D: I go over. Well, I try to see if she's listened to the sound and see if she's honk shoeing or honk.
Speaker C: She is definitely a. Is there a feather? Uh, no, there's no feather. They're all inside the pillows.
Speaker B: Uh.
Speaker C: Seems like she's asleep or they're on. You take a feather off of yourself and confirms it.
Speaker D: Uh, make my way over to.
Speaker B: The.
Speaker D: Long dresser and look for the jewelry box on top or anything like that.
Speaker C: Yes. Roll A. Let's do a perception check, see if you can see. You do have, uh, dark vision, so.
Speaker B: That'S helpful as well. 15. All right.
Speaker C: Sure enough, you spot a somewhat ornate box, uh, sitting atop one of the. Or actually, it's, uh, inside one of the wardrobes. You open it up, you push back some of the clothes, and on the top shelf behind them, you see this box is hiding back there. It's currently locked at the moment, but it's just a question of whether you even need to, uh.
Speaker B: Yeah.
Speaker D: How big is this box?
Speaker C: It's not incredibly large. It's about like, let's say, ten X ten inch box. And it's about, what would this be, like, five inches tall? Four inches?
Speaker D: I'm just going to put the whole thing under my arm.
Speaker C: All right, sounds good. I'll have you do one more stealth check, since this is a box full of jingly things.
Speaker D: Matt.
Speaker C: One.
Speaker D: Oh, no.
Speaker C: As you slowly pull this box full of various jewels and jewelry from its shelf, it slips out of your feathery hands that you still haven't quite gotten used to yet falls to the ground. It hits the ground, and you hear a loud as a variety of fancy metals and jewels inside make a large clanking sound. The figure inside the bed quickly sits up and turns towards you.
Speaker D: Wait, so was I in the closet or what?
Speaker C: You were technically, yeah. I mean, yeah, you were, like, reaching.
Speaker D: Inside of the, uh, wardrobe, I say, I think Mark thinks to himself, man, if only Pendleton was actually here with his innate desires. He summons a silent image of Pendleton, uh, with his sorceress powers. Oh, I didn't know I could do. Um, turn around. And the image turns around towards his, but he notices it doesn't make any sound. That's true. That won't do. Uh, wait. What if I just talked for it?
Speaker C: Um, do a deception, I guess. I'll do either deception or performance with advantage, of course. Um, she reaches over, she grabs a nearby sconce that's sort of like a portable one that she keeps by the bed, and she takes, uh, uh, a match. She strikes it, and she likes it. So roll either performance or deception with advantage. Uh, 1818. Um, she looks and she goes Pitter t. What.
Speaker I: What in gobs thing are you doing?
Speaker C: Steaming.
Speaker D: Just the stuff next level. And he points towards the top of the.
Speaker C: She just kind of looks for a second, she's like.
Speaker I: Keep it down. Trying to sleep.
Speaker G: Of course.
Speaker C: She'S still a little off, but she blows out the sconce and tries to turn back and go back to sleep as best as she can.
Speaker D: So Maki tries to keep it down.
Speaker B: And.
Speaker D: Tries to find all the pieces that he spilled on the ground and put them back into this box. He's, uh, maintaining this silent image because he can keep it going just in case. So he's using some of this concentration for that.
Speaker C: Yes. Is, um, the image moving? Is he, like, doing.
Speaker E: Just doing the robot?
Speaker D: It's just kind of, like, stooped over in front of the door, like, facing Maki.
Speaker H: He's looking through kind of dresser, kind.
Speaker C: Of blocking the view.
Speaker D: If somebody were to come in, um, any uh, nice duds.
Speaker C: In this closet, uh, there are some very fine writing clothes. Um, you know, nice little button down, leathery vests of various kinds, a, uh, couple of top hats. And then you see some horsey thingies.
Speaker D: Uh, yeah, Maki will pick out an outfit just in case. Might come in handy later.
Speaker B: Okay.
Speaker D: And then he's just going to clean up his mess and then try to sneak on out of there.
Speaker C: And as you're going for the door, um, you hear one last thing from Pendleton's wife.
Speaker I: She says, dear, you, Bjorregard was asking for you. He said that you two were supposed to have a meeting tomorrow. If you wouldn't mind meeting with him.
Speaker D: Of course.
Speaker I: All right. I just wanted to make sure you knew. Uh, are you coming back to bed soon?
Speaker D: This will take men.
Speaker I: Sounds wonderful, dear. Good night.
Speaker C: He got out of it.
Speaker D: Didn't even need the sleep spell.
Speaker E: She jolts awake.
Speaker I: What is that?
Speaker C: Sleep spell?
Speaker B: Oh, man.
Speaker C: Maybe she doesn't honk shoe or Mimi.
Speaker B: Me.
Speaker C: She goes like a reverse winning. So.
Speaker B: Uh.
Speaker C: And you ride off into the night. Uh, did you have something you wanted? Well, I was going to say, when they're all loading up, Rourke's going to be dragging out a very filled sack that's making a lot of thumping noises as he drags it down the stairs and is struggling to get it onto the card.
Speaker E: Is it your picture boy?
Speaker G: I reach down and help him because.
Speaker C: We got to get going. Check it out. It's filled with books. A lot of books, and then other various trinkets that he grabs across that room.
Speaker D: All right, at the top of the stairs, you see movement, and you see, apparently, the specter of Pendleton coming.
Speaker C: And with that, we'll close out this episode.
Speaker F: Thank you so much for listening to Criminals of Isla Numis, a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition actual play podcast set in a homebrew world created by me, Skylar Gorsuit. If you've been enjoying our show so far, be sure to, like, follow and subscribe wherever it is that you're streaming from, whether that be Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or anywhere else that podcasts can be streamed. Or just check us out on our website, sessionseroheroes.com. Additionally, if you enjoy coin, you might enjoy some of Session Zero Heroes, other shows such as our benders and Brews and Avatar Legends actual play, where we jump into the world of Avatar, the Last Airbender and Legend of Korra using the Avatar Legends system created by Magpie Games, or one of our various one shots, which we are currently coming out with, where we use a variety of games and TTRPG systems to tell a variety of fun, exciting, emotional, and hilarious stories. Within our group, we have all sorts of other content that we highly recommend checking out within the SDH channel, and more to come in the future to find out more about what we do at Session Zero Heroes, and to keep up with a lot of the other content we produce and be made aware of, uh, future projects, shows, and content. Be sure to follow us on social media, on Facebook, X, Instagram, and Discord. These are all great ways to get in contact with our team, as well as to keep up to date with everything that we're creating and working on. We'd love to see you there. In the meantime, thank you so much for listening. And don't forget to stay curious, stay heroic until we roll again.